Listing down my needs and wants is part of my habit every single day. Whether I write them down on my planner, a sheet of paper, or visualize them on my mind, I make it to a point to organize my plans in order to achieve them. Organization has always been part of my vocabulary. If I fail to be organized, then bad things happen. All the time.

Two years ago, I started a habit of saving photos of the things I need and want. I save them in a folder entitled "My Wishlist for [insert year]." This helps me keep track of the items I have bought or are still in the list. There are some items that I erase in the middle of the year. But I have never got them all. If I decide that I still want them, I put them in the next year's folder.

In 2012, I noticed that most of them were coming true unexpectedly. I was able to finally buy a new laptop for my tutoring job with the help of a great friend. Moreover, the possibility of going to Europe and seeing my cousin in Hungary was only a plan this year. I never imagined it could be truly possible to happen considering the expensive flights I needed to save up for. Then came the numerous things such as some "kilig moments," the accomplished quest for the Jane Austen Seven Novels, black rain boots that could match almost any outfit, an almost complete family trip to Boracay, and even a new wallet in my most favorite color which was given to me by my lovely aunt. I could never thank God enough for all of these blessings. His Grace and Mercy are just so sufficient.

Experiencing these blessings caused me to think if I really deserved them. I could only answer, "Yes." Because God only gives me the things I need. If I want something and it does not match to the plan God has for me, then it would not do me any good at all. God is generous but He also ponders about the things he gives to us. Most of the things we want cannot make us happy for a lifetime.

This new year, I have some old and new things on my folder. Because I started reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, it now has a different title, "My Happiness Project 2013."The book inspired me to start out a plan for 2013. I believe happiness is a choice. And I choose to be happier this year.

Besides the folder in my computer, I decided to draw/post/write all of the things I need and want in 2013 on the Victory journal I received from the Leaders' Appreciation Night a few Saturdays ago. I finally had an idea on what to do with it. Yay!


My number one need and want is more of God. I have been contemplating during the last days of 2012 about the blessings He gave me. I could not make it through 2012 without Him. He really knew me well, more than I know myself. This is why my number one faith goal is to know more of him and less of me. 'Cause it was never really about me in the first place.

There are still so many things to look forward to in 2013. I have been so excited to welcome it for as long as I can remember. Now that it is finally here, I can smile and be thankful for everything in the past. Then smile and look forward to the future.

To God and to great family and friends, let's walk another year together! :-)

If there was a greeting that I would remember clearly about 2012, it would be "Surprise!" I did not hear it from my family and friends. But surprises came from my Father in Heaven who had brought the unexpected to reality. I was in awe this year.

Therefore, I am grateful and thankful for the five major things God gave me.

#5 Learning and Teaching

I am thankful that I am both a student and a teacher at the same time. I am getting the grades that I truly deserved in my graduate courses. Alongside my Masters, I am still teaching at Mind Matters Christian Academy (MMCA) and tutoring at RareJob. Whenever my students in RareJob hear about me, most of them reply in utter amazement. I know I am suicidal. I tend to be a workaholic. But I am only like this because I am meant to sow in this season. I planted the right seeds. Not because of my capabilities but all His. 

There are still a lot of things to learn. And a lot of people to give service to. I will never stop doing both.





#4 A Better Heart

I am praying for a better heart this year and it is exactly what I got. I began to become more concerned with what was happening around me. I am never going to be totally interested in politics, economics, and the like. But I am glad that God is renewing my heart. I have a heart for my nation and fellow Filipinos. I know time will come that I will serve my country or even the world not only in the field of education. Haaaaayyyyy!!! This calling is just too great. One day, I will understand everything.



#3 Provision

Whenever I need money, God is always giving me enough. He is just too incredible because He always does it at the right time and place. Even though I do not ask, He still provides for my everyday expenses at work, money for my travels, leisure expenses, and others. He is always on time. I can say I am rich this year because of Him.



#2 Family and Friends

People say that the more you get older, the lesser friends you get. Even though I have met a lot of people in the past years, there seems to be only a few of them who stay, who know the right words to say, or who help in times of need. To my immediate and extended family, Victory family, MMCA family, UPIS family, and some great friends who do not belong to any particular group but remain significant to me, THANK YOU.


#1 A Longer Walk with God

Every year is a tendency to fall back and get off track. But I am thankful that this year He was closer to me than ever before, making me joyful and thankful for the little things, surprising me with blessings, and saving me from harm. I will always be grateful for the walk we are having right now. He will always be in my mind and I am thankful that He never let go of my hand. 

Truly, God is the reason for this season. Each day that has passed, welcoming the new year, is one step closer towards Him. The walk may be long and sometimes narrow and weathery but there is no reason to stop, turn around, or get off track when we are with Him. He is the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is in control of everything. Due to this, I am secured that He can take care of my 2013 and even the rest of my years.

"My little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you.." (Galatians 4:9)

When Jesus Christ is formed in you and me through a birth totally unlikely from physical birth, our human lives become Bethlehems for the Son of God. Let us solemnize His birth into this world and His birth in us in complete resonance.

Merry Christmas to you all! :-)

-Kaye

Through the years, I have never written a blog about my belief of special education and people with disabilities. But in part of a current issue regarding the Connecticut shooting, I felt the need to share a short blog about what I believe.

We cannot blame a person for his disability. The disability has already been biologically and ingrained in a person by nature. It is already expected that his actions may be uncontrollable at certain times. However, I believe this person can be blamed by nurture. His parents, for instance, played a big part in his life. They are the people who brought him up to the person he grew up to be. However, there could have been some loopholes left unfilled that separated him from them and everyone else.

A child with Asperger's Syndrome or autism can experience a lot of social issues. These issues can be addressed as early as possible. If a parent is knowledgeable about his child's diagnosis and witnesses his frequent unusual behaviors, then they become responsible for helping their child. If they see that their child is screaming and throwing tantrums frequently than normal and secluding himself from other people, then the initial step of a parent is to question and observe. Not just letting it pass.

Parents may undergo a stage of denial. Some of them will learn to accept their child's disability and love their child unconditionally. But some may remain in the denial stage. I emphatize with these children whose parents never accepted their conditions and who did nothing but hide the believable truth.

The way a child is nurtured is very crucial. No matter how kind a parent may be and no matter how seemingly quiet and behaved a child may be, a parent's nurturing may still fail in one way or the other. There may have been some ignorance or a lack of propriety that has taken place. Given the disability, what can a parent do to help their child handle it? Given the proper parenting, what can a child with disability do to help himself? All of these can be answered if a child is surrounded by a strong support group. If he lacks it, then he will really become destructive and uncontrollable in society.

Let us not blame his disability for what he has done. And let us not generalize all children with Asperger's Syndrome as destructive and violent only because of one child's mistake. Although there can be no doubt that he is completely responsible for his actions, environmental and social factors may explain a lot about his behaviors as well.

The disability will always be present in the child by nature. But the complete and utter nurturing from a parent or an adult, can definitely make a lot of difference.

I don't mind walking. It is one of the reasons why I stay in my current body weight for almost my entire life. I commute by public transportation to work or to other places where I will meet my friends or family. Though it is difficult and tiresome, I always look at the positive sides of it and the burden lessens.

The most difficult thing in commuting by public transportation is the way back home. Rush hours and countless traffic jams can be found everywhere. Getting stuck is always normal. People can never escape it for it is  a part of the city life. It has always been my most favorite due to the thought of getting home after a long day's work and also my least favorite part of commuting due to everything else.

When I was on my way home tonight, I experienced the most dreadful thing a commuter could ever experience: The shortage of money when there was supposed to be enough. As I used my last money to pay the jeepney driver up to Quezon City City Hall, I found out that I rode the wrong jeepney. I started rummaging through my bag to see if there were hidden bills or coins but I found none. I got stuck at City Hall. I wanted to take a taxi cab and pay for it when I get back home but I dreaded taxi cabs at night. So I walked. I walked from City Hall to Philcoa. Then at Jolibee, I started planning. I composed a text for my Mom but unluckily, my autoload was not enough to send a text. Wow. I really felt sorry for myself. But instead of crying, I straightened up and walked towards University Avenue. Imagine a woman walking in a backpack with a laptop, a lunchbox, and a steel coffee container in one hand. I looked like a poor high school kid, alright. But my mind was geared to go on and finish this walk until I reach my destination. As I walked towards the first block, I was happy to be walking aside a student and a family of three out of nowhere. Then as I was about to reach the end of the block, I got a little scared because of three scary-looking teenagers who were smoking and a bunch of children who commented sensual stuff at each other. I would rather not mention what they said because as a teacher, I felt so bad for them. Children. Oh, God help them. I chose to walk near the road instead of the side pathways. I feared them. But when I reached Vanguard, I felt better to be only a few blocks away from home. Luckily enough, there were lots of joggers everywhere! I walked and walked until I saw this...


Then a smile on my face appeared. "I made it home," was all I could say.

Despite the exhausting day I had at work, the strength that I got to walk a five-kilometer distance was unexplainable. Maybe the two pizza parties of students today helped store a lot of energy inside of me but I also felt it was coming from a source stronger than my own.

I expect that people would judge or pity me for this story. But I am surprised at myself for not crying and for taking it lighter than I have imagined. I am not at all ashamed of experiencing this actually. I don't even know why I am blogging about this right now. All I know is I did not regret this experience. It reminded me of a lot of things to keep in mind. Even though this has proven how brave and strong I was, I would never do it again. This walk would be the first and the last. I would never risk myself like that ever again unless you, my friends are with me, of course. I was only blessed that GOD guided my every step toward home tonight. I am forever grateful.

He walked with me. And now it feels like it was the best walk I have ever had.

While taking a shower this morning (yes I think of peculiar things here), I randomly counted the number of flights I have taken since birth. If my counting and my memory were correct, I had 25. I just had to say "WOW" at that. Because at the age of 25, I have flown 25 flights. It was like I have flown each year. But hey, the truth has been sinking in.

I am a quarter of a century old.

For those who have reached this age, I am sure there was one moment that you thought of yourself--what you have achieved or what you would want to achieve. I feel like I have not achieved anything at all. But I do have a lot of things I would want to achieve. Is this how it feels like to be 25? Counting things and evaluating myself?

I talked to my friends who were experiencing the same thing. They told me they stopped aging when they reached a certain age. They felt like they were in college forever.

I am also in the same zone. I still feel young and vulnerable, like everything is marked with a question. I still don't know where I am going or what I must do. But I know I am rekindling old things and trying out new things. I am exploring. I feel like a wanderer most of the time.

But just like what J. R. Tolkien said, "Not all who wander are lost."


To be lost at 25 must be a catastrophe. I am not completely lost. I choose not to be for there are better places to be, better flights to take, and brighter things to see. I am a wanderer with a definite destination and purpose because of God. Through him, I still feel youth and vigor like a child. And conflict and mystery are still present from time to time.

I am a wanderer at 25. With complete faith, I think this is how it must be.

I don't have a birthmark. I only have a few moles and some scars which I can't consider as birthmarks either. There is really nothing in my body that makes me different from anybody else in the world.

Ever since I was born, I tend to look for things around me that can complete me or at least define who I am. I grew up ensuring my identity to these things. I dance. I sing. I act. I draw. I paint. I read. I play the piano. I learn drums. I write. I play sports. But there is always something missing within me when I do these. Something greater than these accomplishments or even the lack of it.

A little girl who did not really know who/what she wants to be

When I turned 18, I started to see myself in a different light. I began dreaming of things I have never dreamt before. I began believing that someday those dreams would happen and I would become the person I dream of. I was so sure of my identity back then. Never for one second did I think that I would be someone else. I knew what I want.

But as years passed, graduation kicked in and my first job offer was given, I could not feel any certainty in the decisions I made. Though I was working in a job that I am passionate about, I was asking myself a lot of questions. But giving up and stopping in the middle of it all did not become an option. I found peace and moved on, knowing that I am in a season of finding out who I am.

A few years went by and time progressed to this day, I am still doing the same things. There is always an enlightenment along the way but I still find myself lost, trapped, and unsure of where to go. Indeed, I feel blessed with people whom I can trust and who love me for who I am and not for what I do. Despite the uncertainties, there is a hope of a brighter future ahead.

That future involved certainty from a far greater entity than the ones on earth. Through the years, I found certainty in no one else. The fact that someone so great could love me so brings me to a level of humility and selflessness. The fact that I was born as His daughter and princess supplies the meaning and purpose of my existence.

I may not have a birthmark that can distinguish me from anybody else throughout my life. But in truth, there is no need for it when the purpose of my existence is to express my love for Him and aid other people in doing the same. There is no need to be more different from other people than what we already are. We all have one birthmark within ourselves.

When I reached this point in time, the message is just too simple. I am created out of His hands, in his own grand design, marked with faith. With this truth, I stopped trying to be different. I started focusing on a magnificent identity. To know Him is a far greater purpose than to know who I am. For He knows my identity, every little thing about me, I have no reason to falter and worry.

Faith, something that surely completes who I am and who I want to be, is my birthmark. And so is everybody else's.

Once I finished my tasks this afternoon, I decided to watch the French movie Amélie. This movie was something old yet new to me. I have been dying to watch it since I was in my preteen years but I never had the chance. I completely forgot that I listed down the movie in my Tumblr Movie List a few years ago and I downloaded a torrent file a few days ago. It is such a huge relief to be able to watch it at last.


For me, Amélie was fun, artistic, witty, depressing, and authentic. The little Amélie kind of reminded me of the little Matilda. There was something magical in her. She created her own fantasy world where she leads her own adventures. For a second, I thought she has special powers and she was determined to save the world. Well, she actually did plan to spread goodness to people in a womanly Zorro kind-of-way...

I fell in love with Amélie's character right away. She reminded me of myself a lot. I was an introvert like her at 24 years old. I also wear vintage, can live with anything vintage, and I love Paris and the color red. I have a job that I enjoy though I could ask for more. I have always planned to make a difference by helping people and spreading love and kindness. I have been in a relationship with men though true love has never landed on my feet. The only thing that makes a lot of difference between Amélie and I was that she lived independently with only a cat in her apartment and I have neither lived alone nor slept next to a cat all my life. I have always lived with my parents and I preferred to live with dogs.


The movie showed the importance of family which I really liked. I could not imagine the feeling of losing a mother at a very young age though it must be not so terrible for Amélie. When she was young, she could not wait for herself to be old enough to leave her parents' home and live independently. Still, out of love, she still visited her father even though she was already living in heart of Paris. It reminded me of my family values: to love and care for the ones who took care of us.


Amélie's quest for true love in the movie turned out to be so cute. Amélie and Nino grew up five miles apart from each other. When they were young, they longed for a brother and a sister to play with. Once their paths crossed again, Amélie fell in love with Nino. At first, she could not acknowledge her own feelings though she managed to overcome her fears by the help of Mr. Colignon, the old artist living in the same apartment building as hers (really grumpy but lovable!). Slowly but surely, she directed Nino through a game for him to know who she really was.

If Amelie chooses to live in a dream and remain an introverted young woman, she has an absolute right to mess up her life! -Mr. Colignon

Honestly, I was not so fond of Nino. He, too has an adventure of his own but he did not quite notice Amélie until the end. Maybe he was so shy or he was so focused on collecting pictures of people from the photo booth. Ha-ha. But I guess I am just the kind of person who prefers the man to fall in love first and make the first move. I just did not like it when he only made a move when he was told by Amélie's co-worker that the girl was Amélie. He could have thought of a way to find out for himself. I am such a traditional Filipina! Hahaha!

Anyways, guy frustrations are starting to come out again. LOL. But like Amélie, I believe I will find my luck at the right time. Luck is truly similar to a Tour de France. Wait, and let it flash past you. And of course, you need to catch it while you can.

My most favorite part: Photo: "She's in love." Nino: "I don't even know her." Photo: "You do." Nino: "Since when?" Photo: "Since always. In your dreams."

Salut!

The world has a lot to offer. I learned that ever since I started traveling as a teenager. Maybe traveling has already grown in me ever since my parents brought me abroad when I was only two years old. But it only ignited again when I was already grown up enough to travel. 

I believe one traveller does not need to be aware that he/she is traveling. I think those are the best travels! Still, we all get to a certain time in our lives that we are ready. For example, ready enough to jump on a train and get lost. Or ready to lose something valuable in a hotel room and laugh it all off in the end. Or even sleep in a dorm room full of strangers and make friends. I believe these happen in a certain time that we are completely ready to face the world.

Travelling brings amazing experiences. These experiences are fully packed with stories that we tell to our children and our children's children. These stories are filled with people that have influenced us, surprised us, and showed us that the world is a better place to live in. 

One month and 6 days ago (Today is August 8, 2012), I flew approximately 6,296 miles from the Philippines to Copenhagen, Denmark. Though the distance did not beat the 7,345 miles from the Philippines to Los Angeles that I travelled last year, these were the most tiring travels I've had. I had to stay and wait in two airports for a day twice! Luckily, Hong Kong International Airport and Doha International Airport were two of the best airports in the world or else I would hate the travels forever. But I actually did not hate anything despite the long distance. Instead, the ups and downs of our travels amazed me. That is why I am now here, in front of my laptop, ready to share to the world the things I learned from Europe.

1. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Dragør, Copenhagen, Denmark

When I first saw this sign posted at the back of the cashier of a vintage store, I immediately agreed. Whether big or small, if it made a difference, then be thankful for it. In the middle of tough times, there is always something good about to come up.

2. Master how to navigate. 

Paris City Map

If there is a time to study maps of the city and transportation routes before making the trip to the city, grab the opportunity. It is always better to be prepared and have everything planned instead of going there without a single clue. Besides, it saves plenty of time! One hour of studying and taking notes about transportation is better than one hour of finding the way or trying out wrong directions and routes.

3. Pack light. Do layering! 

This photo belongs to: noriko.stardust

Before flying, be sure to pack the right pairs of clothes. In this recent trip to Europe, I researched about the basic clothes to wear in each country I visited. I even wrote all the outfits that I  mixed and matched. Choosing the proper colors that go well with each other had made it easier as well. If there was one thing I forgot to do, it was to check the weather forecast each day before going out.

Amalienborg Slot, Copenhagen, Denmark

In Europe, the weather is very unpredictable. Summer seasons not only bring hot and warm weather but also cool and windy weather. You won't know when it will rain or shine. The weather forecasts even fail sometimes. It is still best to be prepared. 

4. Pray, pray, and pray. Travel with faith!

Travelling is not going to be as beautiful without faith and prayers. This has been proven to me several times even before I applied for a visa application and bought plane tickets to my destination. Everything will be laid out nicely, sometimes crazily when we waver. But in the end, everything will always come out beautifully.

Wing ring in Copenhagen

Wing ring in Vienna

Wing ring in Budapest

I wore a wing ring served as a sign to fly to all the places I have been through. I have handed the other wing to my Best Friend who always knows when and where to fly. Pardon me for Paris was too beautiful that I forgot to take a picture of the ring on my hand.

To make up for it, wing ring now sits on the miniature Eiffel that I bought in Paris and now sitting beside my bed.

5. Try to learn the country's language and speak the common expressions. The locals appreciate it more! :-)

6. If you can help it, stay away from technology (I'm referring to the Internet :p). Though it can help a lot if you are lost and you can just check with a free local wi-fi/hotspot, set aside a time to stay away from it once in a while. Live, live, live!

At Hongkong International Airport

7. Learn to sleep anywhere. But don't let yourself be left behind by the plane or the train. This has been proven to me when I suddenly rushed to get my things in the train from Auxerre to Paris. Because I got a painful sprain, I walked on cobble stones limping!

Slept in 5 airports since 2008 | Macau Airport

8. Maximize the use of your euro coins. Travelling in other European countries means you're going to receive different currencies. Some European countries don't accept euro coins, only bills. And they're going to give you change in their own currency. So better use up all those euro coins in transportation expenses as much as possible. 

9. Wet your hair if needed. Lately, I just realized that water is really bad for the hair. Even Europeans do not wet their hair everyday. I'm not saying that they do not take a bath everyday. Actually they really don't take a "full" bath, if you know what I mean. Honestly, I found it not so bad after all. Due to this, I wet my hair every other day ever since I came back. It actually feels softer and manageable. BUT I still can't stand it if I do not get to take a bath in the morning. I get extremely moody during the rest of the day. Try it.

10. God's angels exist. Everywhere. Have you ever experienced being lost and the right people seemed to come to you in order to direct you to the proper direction? That happened to us a lot in this trip. If only I could find them all, I would thank them again. 

11. Think positive!!! Let go of the bad vibes!!! Being hot-headed won't work, especially in a continent like Europe where noone knows your name.

12. Panicking won't bring you to anywhere safe. This is just too self-explanatory. I always learn this every time.

13. Help yourself. Secure your belongings. Hold on to your travel documents at all times. Buy a small travel bag or just put it in one pocket inside your bag. I repeat. ONE. When you carry a dSLR camera like mine, put a string on your camera and its cover lens. I really lost a lot of things during this trip. But all thanks to God.. I lost and found them all back!

Auxerre Boat Ride | Where I found my cover lens

14. Empower your camera. If you like taking pictures, then an SD with an extra larger memory and an extra-charged battery will help a lot. This can lessen the frustrations from running out of memory or battery while shooting significant views and happenings around the city.

15. Appreciate your hosts in any way that is best for them. ;) 

16. Say "thank you" or "Merci" more passionately. Do it the French way!

17. Europe is the perfect place to dream. 

The Museumsquartier Hof, Vienna, Autria (Photo taken by HenC)

At the Museumsquartier, I had a talk with my "sister" about the future 'til around two in the morning. It seems really strange for us to be walking at night in Vienna and feeling so safe. We laughed a lot about the past, acknowledged the present, and hoped for the future. Truly magical.

18. Eating bread everyday is not so bad. I already miss it. We have tons of bread now at home. Hindi nga lang 'yung matigas. :( 

Auxerre, Burgundy, France

19. Do not hesitate to ask people for directions. They will say that they speak "a little" English. I find that really cute! But they will still try to help you in any way they can.

20. Even though you are a tourist, you can still make yourself useful by carrying a MAP. Other tourists will even ask you questions. Seek help and offer help. Make it two-way! (:

21. Love the one you are with. Respect and honor your companion, whoever they are. Even though you seem to know a lot about things, let your companion lead you once in awhile. You are NOT a tourist guide. You are a loved one and a friend.

Qatar Airways: Best plane rides everrr!

22. Not everyone is a student, Teacher Kaye. :) Yes, the world is my classroom. But I am a student in it. So, even though I am also a teacher by profession, that does not mean that others are my students. Humbling myself and accepting that I may know something but I do not know everything are pretty much eye-openers for me. Speak kindly. Respect at all times. Thank you, Mom for helping me realize this.

23. Open your eyes. Men in the Philippines are not the only good-natured and good-looking men in the world. 

There he was just walking down the street... HAHAHA

24. Be friendlier. 

Some people would want to talk to you. I could have created a lot of beautiful friendships along the way if I was more open with people. My Asian default of being shy and conservative kicked in during this trip. Let's leave the explanation as that because I regretted this so much. ((:

If we are, then we will be | Vienna, Austria

There is nothing really wrong with befriending "good" strangers. Right? 

25.  You are beautiful.

I always see myself as boring and dull to look at. I do not have strikingly radiant skin, big eyes, luscious lips, pointed noise, nicely shaped ears, and a 5"6 height. However, this did not affect me when I travel at all. Although I have seen so many beautiful women during my travels, I have neither wished to be like them nor wanted to change something in me. I do appreciate their beauty. But that ends there. Every time I come home, I would see Filipino celebrities passing by and I never had the same excitement as I have had before. I also do appreciate their beauty. Still, it ends there. My view on beauty actually widened into a bigger concept, farther than the physical definition of beauty could carry. So "YOU (whoever you are) are beautiful." Believe in that.

26. Have a solitude moment!

When you're tired of walking along sunny cobbled streets, take a stroll in the park and sit on one of the benches. Think. Dream. And EAT! 

27. Don't underestimate people. 

Whether Europeans work in white collar or blue collar jobs, they seemed to not take it against each other. They all acted professionally. I was even surprised to see young blue collar workers in Vienna who happened to be so hot! It totally hit me. I really could not underestimate them just because they sell in the park or construct roads. Hahaha! 

28. There's more to France than Paris..

There's Auxerre,

Clamecy,

Vezelay,

.. and many others!

29. Sadly, Filipinos are one of the snobbish people in Europe. 

Ang taray mo talaga, Burger King clerk!!!

When I stopped by to eat at Burger King near the Opera House, I met this lady at the counter. She asked for my order and I said, "French fries and Fruita." I accidentally said Fruita! HAHAHA. How could she blame me? This was the first time I said it out loud because I have been saying "Royal" all my life. Then she replied, "Ha? It's FUN-TUH!" as she filled in my cup. She even whispered some things about being a Filipina. I didn't dare listen or reply back. Oh-em-gee! I could throw the Fanta back at her. It was a good thing I am too modest to do that at that time.

My message to you, lady: There's still room for change. 

30. Eat slowly. Enjoy eating your food. ;)

I have never eaten so slow in my entire life until I experienced service à la russe (the act of serving courses sequentially) at one of the fine dining restaurants in Auxerre. I found out that food becomes more delicious when eaten slowly. And we become more appreciative of every dish served to us, whether it's an appetizer, an entrée, or a dessert.

31. Take note of the smallest details. 

I always forget to write down or take a picture of the smallest details like the name of the restaurant we ate in or the train station we arrived at. I am really bad at remembering names though I had a snapshot of it in my head the moment I saw it. I am more of a visual person. I have been helping myself by saving it on my phone though sometimes I still forget.

32. Expose yourself to different cultures. 

Exposing yourself will enrich you, help you evaluate yourself, and discover and rediscover your own values. You will always see something different from yourself. C'est la vie (Such is life. This is just the way life is). 

My Euro Trip has never been so real to me until that day when the airplane flew from Clark to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to Qatar, and Qatar to Denmark. Having a Euro Trip with my Mom has been scratched off my plans due to my job and finances. But Mom insisted on asking Dad and he said yes. Then the next thing I knew, my request for a leave and my application for a Schengen visa was approved. Wala na akong kawala. There was God, commanding me, "GO!"

Travelling has not just been about buying plane tickets, going to a distant country, experiencing another culture, spending money, and sharing stories to family and friends. It is the process of losing what lacks, searching what exists, and finding what awaits. It involves deeper sense of emotions that merely come out when one is genuinely in joy or in sorrow. It creates patterns in the path we walk on and marks out the roads where we can learn from. It develops the will to dream and inspires the spirit to achieve that dream. It even makes way for beautiful conversations to happen between God and man. In other words, travelling is the act of finding one's self, one's direction, one's life. 

When recently asked by a friend, "Ano bang nagpapasaya sa'yo? Paano ka ba mag-relax or mag-enjoy? (What makes you happy? How do you relax or enjoy?)" I quickly answered, "Traveling." She said, "Ang mahal naman ng nagpapasaya sa'yo! (Your type of enjoyment is costly!)" I just shrugged. Traveling may cause me to get so broke afterwards and to sacrifice my budget for shopping and food but it always brings me joy, the joy which only travelers understand. If I could define the feeling of traveling in one sentence, maybe it would be this: Traveling brings me to the closest place to heaven that I'll ever reach on earth.

There, I said it.

(Today is September 8, 2012. It takes a month for me to finish a blog now.)

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

August 29, 2012

As I was sitting in class, watching videos, sharing insights, and mulling over people and media, my professor suddenly introduced us to this movie called "Catfish." I have heard this term countless of times but I have never given it a thought. Unfortunately, the making of a movie named after it did not reach me either. Well, not until tonight.

Our class was not able to finish the movie so we were left to download and finish it on our own. When I got home, I immediately opened my laptop and started downloading via my trusted torrent site and downloader. I am determined to find out.


What happened next?

While downloading, I started searching for articles, interviews, and the characters' Facebook accounts and official websites in order to feed my curiosity about this self-proclaimed documentary. Obviously, this movie got me so perplexed and puzzled in class that I wanted to find out what really happened as soon as I could. And so the questions thrown by my professor roamed around my mind.

How much of the film is real and how much of it is fictional? Did this actually happen? 

I clearly have no answer to the question that night. All I learned that this movie came out the same year as the hit "The Social Network" and I didn't even hear any news about it. Shame on me, considering how I loved indie films like this. I must have joined the bandwagon at that time.

September 1, 2012

Finally! I had the time to sit down and watch the film. I started from the last scene we watched in class. I only watched the whole thing once. I didn't dare watch it all over again. Then I started thinking.

Catfish, the film itself, is 50 percent real and 50 percent non-fiction. I could not explain why yet.


September 4, 2012

A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances. 
- Urban Dictionary

ex. Angela is a catfish.

I have come to a deeper realization about Catfish. It's plainly a documentary film. I have no violent reactions regarding their label of being a documentary, meaning a film based on real-life experiences of people. It is basically a documentary due to their intent. They made a film to feature the life of Nev, a 24-year old photographer in New York who virtually interacted with Abby, a child prodigy; Abby's mother Angela; and Abby's sister Megan, a self-proclaimed musician and whom Nev fell inlove with through a series of Facebook messages, comments, chats, phone calls and texts. In that angle, Catfish is no doubt a documentary that is based on Nev's true-to-life experience.

However, Catfish featured a part of Nev's story when he found out that he was a victim of a hoax. At that moment when he found out that his girlfriend Megan lied to him about creating songs that was practically owned by another artist in YouTube, I knew that the film would not be 100% true any longer. Nev and his friends could have simply accepted the fact that they have been deceived by someone online. But they decided to continue filming it in order to create a great documentary, telling the tale of being a victim of a ruse through the world's most popular social networking site Facebook. They travelled several miles away to meet the Wesselman family face to face. They planned how they would approach the family, how they would film it, what kind of clothes work best to hide the camera, what to give them, etcetera, so that they could get to the bottom of it. And yes, once they have it all filmed, they broadcasted it for the whole world to see as 100% real-life experience. After Nev's eureka experience about Megan's fake identity, the fictional side of the film had just started to reach its end. It's all staged. It's all acting. 

I really have no clear distinction how much of the film was fictional and how much of the film was real. All I can perceive is that when Nev did not know anything about Abby, Angela, and Megan's true identities, the documentation can be considered as a real experience. But once Nev found out and decided to document the whole thing, he was already playing a part from a fictional movie. He was laughing at himself while he was texting Megan. He was looking dubious at Angela and his family when he met them. He seemed like a completely different person from the person he was at the beginning of the film. I'm sure everyone must have noticed that.

Catfish is a film about deception (of ourselves as well as others) and fantasy in a digital era — an era that finds us continually modifying, editing and reshaping the truth to find optimal results. The filmmakers’ fakery, then, is yet another layer of distortion, another instance of the virtual world (the film’s narrative) taking precedence over the real world. In fact, it’s about as literal as that takeover can become: Nev literally changes the coordinates of his own life, in an enormous fashion, for the sake of the digital document that is the film. -Zachary Wigon 2010

Honestly, I do not want to call it a 50 percent fictional and 50 percent real for it will totally defeat the purpose of a documentary. Any film, whether based on an entirely true story or not, undergoes a series of edits. During the editing process, some parts were included in the final cut of the film and some could have been removed. The camera could even focus on different angles that might create false meanings which are far from the truth. 

Perhaps, the question is not really about how much of the film is real or fiction but how much of fiction is within us? Or maybe the film only intends for us to focus on what was becoming unreal--that we are all existing in a virtual world where we form identities or segments of ourselves. 

We are the "you"s  in the film's tagline "Don't let anyone tell you what it is" that create the fiction and blend them with reality. We will never solve the puzzle of understanding the "it" in the tagline. 

Also, we will never fully comprehend why there is a fact and a fiction within us. But maybe we can think about this question..

How much of the fact are you willing to hide for fiction?

She Says (Black Eyed Blues)

by Jon Foreman