Seeing 2022 with fresh eyes of faith was possible because of God. He opened my eyes to witness more of His glorious works not only in my life but in my family and friends' lives. I am grateful for seeing victory despite the difficult circumstances, basking in God's undying love, receiving His amazing grace, experiencing stability and growth, and enjoying the gift of salvation, joy, miracles, and new beginnings. I was able to see this verse come to life:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Seeing Victory

The difficulty in acquiring my Japanese Driver's License still persisted until the end of February last year. I wanted the suffering to end so badly so I could concentrate on wedding planning. I was on the brink of giving up. But the encouragement and support that I got from my family, friends, and of course, my ex-fiancé and driving teacher motivated me to enroll in another driving lesson at Kyoto Driver's Licensing Center and take another test. When I let go, ignoring the costs and focusing on the prize, I passed!

The victory came from God. He brought me to this challenging situation to show me that it is neither about my ability to drive nor my driving test skills. This was all about testing my faith and seeing His power to make everything happen at the right time, place, and condition. 

Seeing God's Love

Engaged and set to plan my wedding in January, I was carrying a mixture of emotions. Before the end of winter break, we were able to form a wedding committee that consisted of me and my three teacher friends from different prefectures in Japan-- Kyoto, Hyogo, and Tokyo. As one of our first investments as an engaged couple, we were able to buy a good camera that has live-streaming features. Using this, we did a mini winter shoot for our DIY electronic wedding invitation and Facebook group page. Wedding services were so expensive so we planned to do it all without hiring a wedding planner and supplier. We also wanted to save the rest of our money for our wedding in the Philippines.

Come February, my then-fiancé and I finished our marriage registration at the city hall. We had to prepare a lot of papers in Japanese but we received help from a kind Japanese friend and finished everything at the right time. We also had our Marriage Preparation sessions with our church pastor and his wife and my Connect Group leader from Lifehouse Church Kyoto. We learned a lot about each other and God's purpose for our marriage. It was also during this time that we encountered another fire coming from an old house beside my apartment during the wee hours of the morning. It was bigger than the fire last December. My veranda was right in front of the window of the house. There was only one little parking space in the middle. We prayed to God for protection and thank God it didn't happen again. 

Even though we wanted our first wedding in Japan with our families, the pandemic still became worse and the borders remained closed. We hired a photographer, who was an acquaintance of our friend, and who takes photos with the simple, natural, dreamy vibe that we were aiming for. We had seven guests--the church pastor, three churchmates whom we hired and helped us, and three teacher friends who volunteered to do DIY with us. I was filled with a lot of anxiety about how everything would turn out. I also didn't expect that I would have bridal showers online and offline near the wedding day. But I am so grateful for the love, wisdom, and support from my closest friends from the Philippines and Japan. The night before the wedding, God reminded me to be joyful in spite of the circumstances.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habbakuk 3:17-18

We wedded at our favorite restaurant, Armonia in Fukuchiyama. This was where we had our first date on March 19th, 2020. Two years later, who would have thought we would get married in the same place? It was the perfect venue for our intimate wedding. It felt like dining at home with family and friends in the presence of God. We encountered technical difficulties during our live-streaming via Zoom because it snowed and rained a little, but it all turned out more beautiful than we imagined it to be. 

Since the wedding was during my spring break, we had a short but enjoyable honeymoon in Osaka. Thank God my husband took two days off from work! We had so much fun in USJ. We were able to release all the stress we got from wedding planning. It was our first time at Harry Potter and it turned out to be our favorite. Afterward, we stayed in a hotel in Namba, Osaka, and ate a hearty sushi dinner. Then the next day, we drove to Philippine Consulate General Osaka to apply for the Report of Marriage and walked outside the Osaka Castle grounds enjoying our first hanami as husband and wife.

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6 NIV

Love is amazing. For us, this is illustrated in Romans 15:5-6. It was the verse that God shared with me when I was praying for my life partner in Odaiba, Tokyo in October 2013. I really had no idea about the future that God already planned for me then in Japan. This is God's love.

Seeing Grace

"God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful." ~1 Thessalonians 5:24

I would say that the four-month planning for our August wedding in the Philippines and the wedding itself were God's miracles. It was hard to search for the best suppliers online without meeting them in person. But I was able to benefit from my family and friends' experiences and the internet gave away a lot of information too. Discovering an e-invite website called withjoy.com (see ours here Kaye and Kensho) saved us from the costs of printed invitations and delivery. Zoom was also very useful for communication. Though the flight tickets skyrocketed because of the high demand and the low number of planes flying from Japan, we were able to afford it with God's provision.

The pandemic made a lot of things challenging but there were answered prayers too. While searching for venues with the help of my mother, I suddenly came across an article that outline the intimate venues in Quezon City. Lemuria Fine Dining Restaurant fit exactly what we wanted---simple, homey yet classy with good food and location. It fits us as a couple so well. God also provided for all the suppliers. Though the decision-making was tough due to financial reasons, He taught us to trust Him.

We wanted the officiating pastor to be my father's disciple during their Tokyo University days who became one of the head pastors of Tokyo Baptist Church. It so happened that he and his wife were also flying to the Philippines to visit their family in August. They happily agreed to attend our wedding and so, we were able to set the wedding day after they arrived in Manila. God truly plans everything and sometimes it takes years to see the fruits. 

We were grateful that my husband's mother, sister, and brother were able to go to the Philippines and meet my family for the first time. Unfortunately, his father and second cousin, who also happened to be his best man, couldn't come. As for my family's side, my father got sick a few days before the wedding and my cousin from Hungary, who was my best woman, couldn't come too. Some of our families and friends couldn't make it for health and work-related reasons as well. Because of a world crisis, we understood that this would happen and we were just so grateful that everyone was safe and covid-free.

I couldn't deny that walking down the aisle without my father hurt me the most. It was one of the top reasons why we had a second wedding in the Philippines. But I am truly grateful that his condition was not severe and we were able to see him well before and after the wedding. He even prayed for me and Kensho on the day of our flight back to Japan. It was a wonderful blessing. It brought me back to the emotions the day I left for Japan on my own for the first time but multiplied a hundred. 

Despite the setbacks, doing a second wedding in August allowed our families and friends to meet for the first time. It was such a beautiful reunion. We were able to see our loved ones after three years or more. The greater purpose was actually beyond being married to my life partner or whom I named *whoishe?* since high school. The most important thing is that God was glorified and the Gospel was shared with everyone. Kensho's family was able to meet Filipino Christians and their hearts were touched. Thank God for His amazing grace!

Seeing Stability and Growth

For the first time ever since I came to Japan, I did not move to a new city. It was a feat to have lived in the same apartment for almost two years. I really thank God because planning two weddings in a year, having a day job, saving for moving expenses, and moving to a new home were already making us busy and crazy. But He truly set everything in order.

I also received a new role as an International Girls Connect Group leader at church a few months before. Being an introverted person, I was filled with hesitation at first. I asked God, "Who am I to lead girls from different nations?" But I just said yes to my leader and transitioned from a substitute and co-leader to leading the group by myself. Through this, I also remembered my ultimate purpose of migrating to Japan. Hindi lang dahil Japan Japan sagot sa kahirapan. LOL. It is not only to continue sharing lives and learning from Japanese people. God wants me to grow by leading foreigners like me closer to Him. I should not run away or shy away from my purpose. I must continue to do the work that He has called me to do.

"For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints as you still do." Hebrews 6:10-11

Seeing Salvation 

Two weeks before the wedding in March, my husband got baptized. He wanted to do it sooner but he felt it wasn't the right time due to the worsening covid-19 situation. I was surprised one day when he delivered the news after scheduling with the church pastor and his Bible study group leader. We traveled to Kyoto city and it all happened in a small ofuro or bathtub inside a church member's apartment. It was live-streamed to other members of the church. We were all filled with joy. It was surreal.

In September, my husband's brother and girlfriend attended church in Shibuya, Tokyo. Then in November, my husband's mother attended church with us. The following week, she attended an online small group and was baptized. Everything happened so fast. God's plan is amazing! We are now witnessing the seeds that God has planted in their hearts since their visit to the Philippines. "The Blessing" was perfect for our worship song at our wedding. We chose it to claim God's favor over our families.

"May His favor be upon you | And a thousand generations | And your family and your children | and their children and their children." The Blessing, Kari Jobe, Cody Carnes, & Elevation Worship

Seeing Joy

Traveling around Japan with my husband in May and June became an extension of our honeymoon. We weren't able to go abroad to celebrate due to health and travel restrictions. We were both asthmatic which made us at-risk. But we were blessed to be able to travel around Japan in his vintage cars and made good memories in places where we have never been together.

Moreover, seeing my family after two and a half years was very precious to us. Honestly, going home made us so busy and tired. But decluttering my room and cleaning our UP home was very therapeutic. We said goodbye to old things and kept those that matter. There were still a lot of things left to do before we move out of our UP home. My parents and brothers were also busy with work plus quarantine measures. Because of a new coronavirus outbreak, we couldn't go on a trip somewhere outside Manila. It was better to be safe than sorry. 

Seeing New Beginnings

In October, my husband and I were already on the brink of finding an apartment that fits. While I was complaining to him about my frustration, he opened his phone and suddenly found a new advertisement for a pet-friendly 1LDK apartment. It was located in Ayabe, my first home in Japan, and where we first met. It was the place God was referring to me in Genesis 28:15-16. 

We called the real estate agent the following day and looked at the videos and pictures more. Even though it wasn't available for viewing yet due to a tenant living in it, we knew it was the one. We found ourselves signing the papers at the second meeting. We were able to see the inside of the apartment two weeks before our moving-in date in December. It was almost three months of waiting. Every day, our excitement grew and we would tell each other, "I want to move, I want to move." The apartment turned out better than our imagination. 

Reserving a home without seeing it in person might seem ridiculous, but we prayed for it and claimed that God has chosen and prepared this place for us to start our life together. Though I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, for us it was a great example of exercising our eyes of faith.

Seeing Miracles

At the end of December and the beginning of January, I was able to meet my husband's grandparents. This was long overdue because I was afraid that I would not be accepted. My husband's grandmother was just fine. She was very kind and generous, giving us food and household stuff every now and then. But my husband's grandfather was a very strict man and everybody knew that it wasn't easy to get along with him. 

When my husband's grandfather met me, the exact opposite happened. He initially asked if I was his grandson's husband and welcomed me to his home with a big smile. He willingly showed his interest in history by bringing out some historical books, one of which was a book on Japanese colonial times in Asia. When he handed me the book, he apologized for Japan conquering the Philippines in the past even though it wasn't his fault at all. But I could feel the sincerity and he really understood what happened then. He also took notes about my name, hometown, and university on his planner. What he saw or felt in me, I don't know yet, but I am grateful for that miraculous moment. 

Thirteen years ago, a family friend once told me, "Everything will flash before your eyes." I now understood what he meant. To be able to see through our eyes, we must be closer to God. We have to refocus when our vision gets blurry and be sensitive to God's leading, especially the redirections. With His guidance, we receive a valuable gift --- the ability to see beauty beyond what our natural eyes can see. I believe the same for everyone. If we cast our eyes on Jesus (Psalm 123:2), we can possess a greater sense of sight.

2023 started a little tough for me. But with a brand new perspective, I believe that this season is bringing tremendous growth that would help me reach God's greater plans. 

On December 31st, I spent my quiet time hearing from God and just listening to Him. I would like to stand by this verse as we undergo growth this year.

"Jesus said, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. He also trims every branch that produces fruit to prepare it to produce even more. You have already been prepared to produce more fruit by the teaching that I have given you. Stay joined to me and I will stay joined to you. No branch can produce fruit alone..." John 15:1-4 ERV

Three months have already passed but I am still decreeing a fruitful year ahead for all of us! 

Let's #Grow2023 to the full!

October 24-30, 2022

I'm enjoying this writing activity more than I expected. It doesn't give me the pressure to write something interesting for others. I just needed to write for myself and allow the words to come out. 

This week is another full workload. Whenever I arrive home, I have to cook dinner, do household chores, and have a little ME time. Then, I can eat, clean up, and relax with my husband, Kensho. The household chores are the same and I couldn't squeeze in some of the things that I want to do. But these five things give me joy and I am grateful.

1. Good people at work

I am really thankful that the people that I work with every day are very kind. Sometimes they leave food on my table or hand it out to me personally sometimes. They don't provide "emotional" support always but they don't discriminate either. They must be having their own idea of me when they watch me work. But I haven't heard any complaints from them. One of the Japanese Teachers of English that I work with also told me that she has not been told bad things about me either. So, I must be doing just fine. Yahoo!

2. New Home

For months after we got married in March, Kensho and I have looked for apartments and houses online, talked with agents, and visited some in person. But we couldn't find the right fit. Then one night when we were both on the brink and I was complaining to him about my frustration, he opened his phone right away and looked. A new advertisement for a pet-friendly 1LDK apartment appeared at once! What great timing! The next day, Kensho called them right away because there might be a lot of people looking for the apartment that we wanted. Our goal is to find a place close to the convenience store, supermarket, post office, etc., where we can keep a pet, and where I can commute by train to my schools. Ayabe station is just 7 minutes away. 

It's amazing when we've found the place where all of our top needs would be met, we could decide right away. We're so excited that we have been telling each other every day, "I want to move, I want to move." We've never felt this much desire to move to a new place. ((:

Last Saturday, we signed the contract and received all the papers. This is such a great blessing!

3. Leading People to Jesus

I started as a substitute leader for the International Girls Connect Group when my leader couldn't make it because she had to take care of her newborn last February to March this year. I have been joining the group since November 2019 when I first came to Lifehouse Kyoto Church and met a lot of great women of God. Since the pandemic started, the group has been meeting online. But a lot of girls have come and gone back home, moved to a different church or country, and became busy with their jobs and life in general. I couldn't blame them because a church evolves in various ways and nothing is permanent. 

I stepped up a lot this year. At first, I was so hesitant in taking the lead because I feel inadequate and far from the main church. I couldn't go to church every Sunday because Kyoto city is two hours away. The only thing I can do consistently is to be there online. So far, the groups are still meeting online and that's one thing that's never gonna disappear, I guess, due to the nature of people attending. 

I have been given this task as a way of serving God. I am excited about what He is doing and the greater things coming ahead!

4. Love

I'm really happy that I could speak to my loved ones in the Philippines, America, Hungary, Germany, and other parts of the world through social media anytime I want. I really miss my family and friends so much. There are days that I just cry and get emotional. It's tough being away from people that I've spent almost the past 35 years with. 

5. My Birthday

My husband and I woke up at midnight and noticed that there are only 7 minutes left before October 30th. We started to pray in bed and waited excitedly. Then when the clock struck 12, he said "Otanjoubi omedetou, chan-Kaye. Kansha shimasu." which means "Happy birthday, Kaye-chan. I am grateful." We finished our prayers and hugged each other. It didn't start quite well when we woke up in the morning. I was having a hormonal imbalance again. Huhu. But Kensho was so patient and kind. He tried to help me pick out something to wear even though it was really hard for me. He also listened and hugged me when I uttered my frustrations about myself. We were supposed to go to Lifehouse Kyoto church but since it was traffic, we couldn't make it and just went back in time to watch the online service. It was the right choice because we were able to listen to the preaching well and received God's Word clearly. Afterward, Kensho took a quick nap, and then we went shopping for wine, pasta sauce, and pickles at Yamasho, and went window shopping for appliances at AEON Mall. We were so amused by the different features of refrigerators and washing machines and shocked by the prices. Then, Kensho and I went to Kinugawa to buy a fruit cake. We went home, relaxed, and cooked dinner together. After taking a warm bath, I blew out my cake. Kensho even closed the lights to get a dim effect. It was very sweet! He said that he wasn't able to buy a present. But I told him that our new apartment is our gift to each other. It was a very simple but genuine celebration with no need for pretensions and fancy things. 

Last year, I also got engaged. I couldn't believe that it has only been that long. In a year, we were able to hold two weddings with our families and friends. 

God is so good! I should continue believing and being grateful for the smallest things.

Thank you so much, Lord.

I look forward to the joy that You bring to my life every day.

K

A million times in our lives, I'm sure we have heard God's voice telling us to "Go." He wanted us to do something, usually something that we did not think highly of. But before we obey Him, we usually ask Him a question, "Okay, God. But when?" This response might be due to fear from the unknown or lack of trust in Him. But no matter how hard we resist to follow His command, He will never stop bugging us until we act on it.

Through the years, God has kept on reminding me to believe and trust Him through this verse: "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." -Habakkuk 2:3

While waiting, God does not want us to believe and just be idle. He wants us to continue living our lives while entrusting Him our dreams and desires. Sometimes, the delays come just because we do not believe. We could not wait. So we move based on what we want; ignoring God in the process. Or sometimes we just sit still doing nothing. How do we really respond?

This year, I asked God some questions and the Bible Verses He gave to each one that satisfied my yearnings for answers.

1. What is God's plan for my life?



We have asked this question a million times. He is the only one who could tell us the things that He desires for us. He might use people around us, strangers, friends, or family. But we could only make sure that it is from Him when it confirms what He has already told us. It comes through His Word, prayers, visions, and prophecies. God reveals it to YOU and ME.

2. When is the appointed time?



Good things take time. God makes waiting part of receiving the beautiful plans He has for you and me. He does not only want us to enjoy receiving them but to enjoy the process of waiting upon them. He has already gone before us and He will guard us when that appointed time comes.

3. How do I wait for it?


4. What do I do when it comes?


Simply be thankful. Let God's steadfast love and faithfulness be known to mankind. Spread the Word about how good, pleasing, and perfect God is. We are expected to receive what we have been given. But we must have a grateful heart to God who has given us all things.

In this season, I have heard God's voice telling me to go and do things. Sure, I have asked him a lot of questions aside from the ones I listed here. The key is to just keep on seeking Him. When you get answers, obey Him.

Through the process of waiting upon Him, I realized that listening to other people clouds God's messages. You must listen to God only. Many times, people kept on saying to do this or to do that. Then, when I started to commune with Him, everything became clear. God wanted me to keep on taking chances until the right time for me to step into the open doors come. It was not for others to do. It was between me and God.

God wanted me to do my part by exercising my faith in Him. It was not easy to just go and do things while others are doubting you or advising you to do something else. But doing the things God has asked you to do, without knowing the outcomes, acting out of pure faith, honours Him. I believe that He will outdo every pain, suffering, and hardship that I have experienced in order to get there.

So when God says go, don't say no. Just go.

My darkest battles in life are rooted in fear. I feared that time is too short. I feared that I would not be good enough. I feared that I would lose a friend. I feared that I would not be able to get through without a job. I feared to live alone. And the list goes on.

Two years have already passed since I started studying about my thesis topic for my Master's (MA). I changed my mind a hundred times. But I ended up making a 180 degree turn, scrapping everything off and starting again.

Studying while working was so difficult. I felt like I am going crazy when I still had to attend to my life after work. I had to go to night time classes and go home late. I also had to write my papers and reports and study for exams in the wee hours of the night in order to get by. Even though my mind was swirling in different places, I had to present in front of my teachers and classmates. I tried my best to keep my mind sane. I could not give up work because I needed to pay my own tuition fees. I also invested on two virus-free laptops in which one already broke down. I knew that it would help me write my thesis despite my salary being cut down in half every month for an entire year.

I questioned myself several times about whether I should teach or study in order to concentrate on one. Come the time last month when I finally decided to let go of work for a few months. Now, I am broke. I stay home most of the time. Taking hold of my time is a dream. But it is also a nightmare in some days. Because I still live with my parents and siblings, I am entitled to help out in the household chores. There are a lot of times when I have to do chores instead of work on my thesis. Several times a day, I wish to be casted away in a quiet and lonesome place whenever I want to concentrate on my writing. Most of the time, I had my freedom to write in my favorite college libraries. Not that I don't want to help (one of my top love languages is service), I just feel like I really need to finish now so I won't have to prolong it. My parents keep asking me why it is taking so long. Well, this is why it is. I am preoccupied and distracted with so many things.

But I know that life beyond what I am currently doing is harder. Because of God's grace alone, I am able to stay alive. Instead of merely complaining, I begin to be thankful for how steadfast and faithful God's love is for me. Who would have the opportunity to travel cities, states, and countries, and continents while finishing MA with most expenses paid? Who would have the luxury to stay in my parents' house at this age and add the fact that they already sent me to school for 15 years? Who would have faithful and supportive family and friends who always give words of wisdom and help me in making difficult life decisions? Whenever I feel like complaining, I remember God's Word.

 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV

God is testing me every time He sends responsibilities such as work and chores. He is moulding my character for bigger and greater responsibilities in the future wherein I have to multi-task. I have to know how to keep my cool and deliver well despite the anxiety and stress. In spite of my weaknesses and other people's weaknesses, I am able to do above and beyond what anyone could ever imagine.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

So how am I going to attain success in this journey? Through God's strength, I draw strength from. Through God's grace, I am able to forgive others and even myself for my shortcomings and failures. Through God's reprimands, I correct my actions. Through God's power, I welcome and withstand the difficulties that my life brings. Through God's faithfulness, I believe. A successful journey can only be attained through God. He is the same before, now, and forever. His promise is being fulfilled.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." Exodus 14:14

I ask, believe, and not doubt God (James 1:5-6) to continue to go before me. I will choose to follow His timeline more than my own or others'. The journey will not take too long or too short but just right. And whatever comes, I believe that He will uplift and provide me with peace and rest.

The most important thing is that I feel Him within me and I could see Him glorified in my life when this research journey has come to an end.

That is enough to know and receive.

Standing on a long concrete bench away from the stage but elevated high and clear enough to see the whole band, I began to wonder about my purpose in life. In the middle of the concert, my introvert blues were rising.

Despite being a huge Switchfoot fan, I was supposed to be ticketless and a loner. But something inside urged me to simply ask Church Simplified. It was already a few days before the concert. Still, I knew that I would not lose anything. All I needed was to ask. Lo and behold, shirts were still available. I asked one of my best friends to come with me and she agreed. It also turned out that my church family, old and new, were there to share their love for the band as well.

Buying tickets is not for the sake of getting a good, up-close, and personal look of the band on stage. You can simply listen to their songs in the radio, in your music player, or even in the world wide web. Pictures, mp3s, and videos of the band are everywhere. You can even study the lyrics of their songs, dig deep, and sing your heart out in your own cave.

But you see, a Switchfoot concert isn't any ordinary rock concert. Truly, Jon, Chad, Drew, Jerome, and Tim have excellent skills in music and they mess up their playlists based on the crowd they play for. They connect to the audience and they carry their show from there. In every concert, they perform above and beyond what we can imagine. Each one is different is from the other. But amidst all of these, they are deeply grounded in their faith. God is present in their concert. I don't know about you but I see not only the band's excellence in music. I feel God in them. The way they connect to their fans before or after a concert is beyond real. They're truly the nicest musicians in the industry. If you open your eyes and let your ears hear, you will feel it too. The beautiful words that are embedded in their songs speak of a life worth fighting for. And this is why watching them live makes a whole lot difference. It is worth it to come out of your cave and see and listen to them live.


As I looked at the people who were going after Jon in the crowd, I pondered about how I live life when I step out of the amphitheatre and return to reality. Am I like the crowd who goes after a dream head on and filled with so much passion and joy? Or am I the one who watches a dream in a distance, stable, sure, and filled with the same passion and joy? Who I am I supposed to be?

I watched smiling at Jon and the crowd and pondering on the thought. Getting close to the members of the band is a dream come true. Typically, a huge fan would desire to be in their places. As for me, I didn't. It was definitely not because I've already met them twice in the past and talked to each one of them. But on that moment, it seemed as if seeing and hearing from afar was enough. It was not a superficial thing. I knew everything was all real. The dream was happening right there. And I was in joy. It was surprisingly a selfless act. How and when did my heart change? It's a mystery.

The songs will continue to speak to me about life for sure. I will continue to explore and find the answers to my questions despite the uncertainty. I choose to dive into the process of finding it out. I'll keep hoping and believing. Like what Jon said, "Hope is anchored on the other side." We don't stop living in this earth. Our lives don't stop midway. The other side lives and saves all, especially for those who believe.


Maybe all these questions arise from an unfinished situation that drives me to look for answers. Or maybe I was meant to be an answer to someone else's question. Whether I fail to make meaning or make sense of it all, I choose to thrive in this life.


The best part in thriving is that I am not on my own. Yes, the band and their songs are always there to speak words of hope. But it's also about sharing your life with people that the band has touched as well. It was actually in Switchfoot concerts wherein I let myself out. I was less fearful, more confident, and braver. I made friends with people whom I never intended to interact with. And most of their friendships are still in the present tense. I believe that when something great is shared between people, it has a bigger chance of lasting forever. The Friends of the Foot is one of those. We all have the same questions about living.


I think I will never know the real answers to my queries. But I did something that meant a lot to me tonight. Before the concert came to a complete halt, I finally decided to leave the concrete bench to come closer to the stage and join the fun. It was as if I was making a decision to leave everything behind and nail my doubts and fears on that Cross. Goodbye, Concrete Girl. It was time to come alive.

With the Truth living in me, there is a reason to come alive. I will thrive wherever and whenever I go. Whether in highs and lows, in shallow waters and depths, I will continue to sing along and land on shores I've never been before.


When I get there, I will find Hope. When I get there, I will find Life.

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13


Thank you for reigniting the fire in me, Switchfoot. I promise to continue dreaming and reaching forward.

'Til we meet again.

I would be lying if I say that this is the first time I am crying because of a heart-related issue. But this time, I realized that I have not been crying over a certain person at all. I was crying because of failed expectations. My needs and wants were not met by a certain person. Because of the so-called destiny that I was aiming for did not occur, my heart got broken. The reason for my pain was not the person I invested feelings in. It was me. I got my heart broken because of myself.

I am the one who got my heart broken because I allowed myself to be fooled by my heart. But the truth is, if we want our hearts to be saved from the pain, we cannot allow ourselves to be fooled by our own hearts. This is an opinion that not many people believe in. Most people will say, "Follow your heart!" But the truth is, "Don't follow your heart." Our hearts are deceiving. Instead of hearing from God, we will end up hearing from our hearts and acting in accordance to what a typical person in this world needs and wants. But are we supposed to behave like every typical person in this world? No. God wants us to be different from the world. He desires so much more for us, more than what we need and want.

Truly, I have proven once again that conversing with God about a heart issue is the best. He likes it when we pour out everything we feel. He even knows how we feel before we talk to Him. He is the source of the peace that is beyond understanding (Philippians 4:7). I do not completely understand His plans and His reasons. But I do understand the fact that He loves me very much. Knowing that, I think having Him and only Him is enough.

These are what God and I talked about tonight. I told him that "Never again...

1) ...will I allow my heart to dominated by a man or anything apart from God. Indeed, God is a jealous God. Once someone or something overcomes my heart and sets Him aside, He gets hurt too. God must be above everything. I mean everything."

2) ..will I let my heart cry or hope for someone who does not value me or a person who is not ready to be with me at all. Investing my feelings on someone or something uncertain will only result to failed expectations. God will only allow a certain man who will not only value me as a woman but will always love God and remain in the center of His will."

3) ..will I forget that I am a princess of God, designed and created to be sought after. I am not created to go after men. I am born to be pursued. I am not saying that I will never show feelings or send signals toward a person. But I will never become the "man" in the relationship: The first to confess and the person who makes all the effort and pursues. I will allow them to do what God called them to do."

In this life, we can easily be fooled by our own hearts and by people around us who are setting the standard of the world. But aren't God's standards higher than the world's? The happiness that following our hearts may bring us won't last. God gives us joy that will enable us to walk with peace, wisdom, and grace in eternity. When we follow God, instead of our hearts, every issue of the heart becomes manageable. 

Follow God and your heart will never be fooled again.

One week and a few days after I got back from Korea last year, I attended a Kids Ministry bonding with our Kids Church staff and pastor. When I was walking back home that night, something terrible happened to me. Only my close friends know about this at first. But I could not hide my bruises and wounds and pain all over my body, so I had to explain briefly or elaborately to different people. Actually, I did not plan to write about this at all. But now that I am ready, I want to share what this experience taught me.

That night, I faced a deep fear within me: Fear of being alone and fear of someone attacking me. I know I am brave. But I realized I was not brave enough and I was still missing out on something important. This knocked me off hard. The following questions below were my questions and God's answers as I communed with God. These helped me overcome my fears. I pray that these will also allow you to reflect on your fears, whatever they may be, and help you overcome them later on.


1) What does fear do?

2) Why does God allow us to fear?

Oftentimes we wonder about God allowing us to fear when His love can overcome fear if we are perfected in His love. In Matthew 8, Jesus' disciples got terrified of the storm. They were so afraid of struggles that their first reaction was to doubt. However, this is not the appropriate response. For if we let that fear or doubt prevail in us instead of recognizing our dependence on Him, we will not only "struggle with the oars" but we will plunge into rock bottom. What we need to realize though is God allows these struggles to happen because these are opportunities for our faith to grow and mature.

3) How does God protect us from our fears?

As we grow and mature during and after our struggles, God makes us strong. He enables us to face our fears and do the impossible. When we rely on Him, the struggle becomes less and it becomes easier for us to bear. I remember the verse from Matthew 11:30 about having an easy yoke and a light burden. God makes these possible because His strength is more than enough for you and me.

I could not imagine being strong without God. After what happened to me, I got so afraid to go home or even walk in our neighborhood alone when darkness started to creep in. I declined almost all birthday and Christmas Party invitations then. I entered into a time of hibernation. But God gave me courage and strength during those times. It did not happen overnight. But everyday, He reminded me that I could face my fear of being alone or attacked again because I have Him. True enough, freedom from all kinds of fears can only be attained through Him.

When the colors of leaves change during autumn or fall, a fire-glow radiates from each tree. Then each leaf falls to the ground as winter approaches. This turning and falling of trees have been given different symbolisms. In classic literature, autumn's symbolism is a natural dichotomy: a time of detoriation, death, and dying and a time of harvest, preparation, and maturity. Both happiness and sadness are carried by autumn which makes it more beautiful to many. Because I have not experienced autumn in full bloom, I have always dreamt of it. Like most writers, I wish to tell my story about it one day.

Whenever I see autumn in movies and pictures, I am reminded by what the Bible says about abandoning the old life and starting anew. As detoriation, death, and dying occur, harvest, preparation, and maturity come.

Detoriation, Death and Dying

Autumn reminds me of being dead to sin and being alive in in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11). Like the color-changing leaves falling from trees, I see a person like a leaf, being set free from bondage or sin. The old life is buried and a new life begins.

Harvest, Preparation, and Maturity

Autumn is the time to reap the things we sowed and prepare for the harvest ahead. It is a time to learn from hardships in the past and blossom into a better self. As we have been made new again through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), we are given an opportunity to live a new life.

The beautiful dichotomy of autumn reminds me of the importance of truly trusting God not only in this season but in every season. We may not know when He will change each season for us but He is always in control. He said in his Word, "It is not for you to know the times or seasons, which the Father has put in his own power (Acts 1:7)." But in every good and bad season, He promised that "you shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you, and you shall be witnesses unto me, both in Jerusalem, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth (Acts 1:8)." He not only revives us from the dead and restores us but He gives us a beautiful eternity with Him.

During this autumn season, like the leaves of trees, let us trust God, change foliage, get rid of the past, and welcome the future seasons ahead.

(:

Exactly three years ago, September 3, 2011, I received a prophecy from the husband of our good family friend. He was a prophet who received a Word from God to go to our house that day and share to me what God wanted to tell me about my future. What I received from God that day was more than what I expected to happen in my life. It encompassed more than where my imagination could bring me. I'm not writing to share about His Word to me. I'm writing to share to you what He always teaches me to do whenever I receive a Word from Him.

1. Fight for it.

When a person truly believes in a Word from God, he/she can stand firm in his faith. Faithfully, he/she will believe in it even though the whole world stands against it. His/her faith will linger and become stronger. Fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12)!

2. Hold your peace.

Fighting for something does not usually involve weapons and arms. In peace, a person can fight without causing pain or destruction to others and to himself/herself. I am sure holding our peace is not an easy task. But it is an act of honoring God, letting Him fulfill His promises, and letting Him fight our battles for us.

3. Remain at rest.

During a battle, resting seems odd. How can one be at rest when everything around him/her appears to be falling apart? But rest does not necessarily entail that one is lying down or sleeping. When a person holds peace in his/her heart, then he/she is capable of resting whether in stable or rocky grounds. In the book of Mark, Chapter 4, Jesus was in a storm with His disciples and He was sleeping. Then He was awakened by His disciples because they were worried that He did not care about them and they were afraid to drown. Like Jesus, we could remain at rest in a storm. He has the power to command the winds and the waters. In a storm, we can have faith in Him and His Word.

Until now, I could not picture how He is going to fulfill His Word. But I am blessed to be able to see and understand that He is currently in the process of fulfilling it. In some days, He may look like He is not working at all. But even if He is not looking like it, He is moving. He is truly the God that can make all things possible. Nothing can stand against Him. In every promise given, He only asks one thing from us. And that is to have faith in Him.

Believe that "the Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest" (Exodus 14:14).

There are times when we find ourselves stuck in desert lands. We usually try to avoid them for they are hot and dry. We desire for cooler and greener lands because we feel uncomfortable facing the difficult challenges and trials that we experience in them. But deserts are places where we can grow stronger and become more mature. These are places where we can be grateful for what we have and hope for what is about to come.

Throughout the past two months when I was reading the Bible, God gave me beautiful verses about being in a desert. Because of these verses, I understood that being in deserts does not mean that we have to stay disheartened or depressed while in them. We have to accept our situations and learn how to adapt.

God allows us to thrive in deserts due to the following:

1. So we can get thirsty.

"O God, thou art my God; early will I seek longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is." Psalm 63:1

God is like water. God is essential to life. He allows us to be thirsty so we can seek him and find him. Then He will purify and restore us.

2. So we can trust Him.

"For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody." Isaiah 51:3

God allows us to remain in the wilderness so our trust can be built not in ourselves but in Him. We are allowed to bear the heat, stand firm in sandy shores, and survive with little food and water until we have used up every ability, everything else we have, and only our faith in Him is left. But He will not only allow us to undergo the trial but He will allow us to experience more of His goodness and faithfulness.

"I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water." Isaiah 41:18

God has promised fountains and rivers of blessing that will spring up in our desert lands. He has promised higher places and greener heights. He has promised us an Eden.

3. So we can receive His promises.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.." Isaiah 43:18-19

At times, we fail to perceive that God is doing a beautiful thing in us while we are in the desert. But during the difficulties and trials, He is molding, shaping, and enabling us to thrive. He may have let us enter hot and dry lands but He will take us out of them--baked and whole.

While in desert lands, we are not to be shaken or moved for God will go with us and even before us. He who has been with us in the desert will bring us out.

Behold, greener lands ahead..

If you will have all the time and money in the world, what would you do? That question popped up when I attended a small group talk about a private franchising business last night. The first thing I thought about was to travel the world. Aside from that, I wanted to be a philanthropist and help out the children with special needs who are less fortunate through teaching. But I also want to get trained in this area. I also wanted to attend classes and be mentored in photography, writing, making music, art, or dance. The sad part was I never got to seriously do one of those in three years since I started working.

Don't get me wrong. I do love work. Teaching kids and seeing them learn something from me is a reward that is irreplaceable by fancy or material things. Making a small difference in their lives is a gift that I would never trade off for anything. But I also feel that work becomes tiring when you are deeply involved in it, day in and day out, and you are slowly losing parts of yourself. I do not want that to happen. In fact, I have been trying to savor myself from zoning out.

One way of savoring myself is through traveling. People say I travel a lot. I do it because it keeps me sane and sends me back to a different kind of happy state that I would never get from work. This does not mean that my work does not make me happy. It does! There is just an unexplainable difference that only those people who have a big heart for travel know and understand.

Another way to savor myself is to take photos and edit them. Even though I have not attended photography and photo-editing classes yet, I never stopped taking photos and learning based on my experiences. I still search and learn from other photographers online and in person. I also try to learn from the worldwide source of all information, the Internet. This humble hobby is related to my love for travel. Because if I plan and see the world, I need to capture it in good photos in order to easily return to the experience whenever I like. However, I admire what Sean O'Connell said in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty:

"If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it."

Staying in the moment is a perfect way to capture a picture. The photographer's eyes become the camera. And the moment becomes a part of the photographer's life.

Writing reminds me of who I am. Whenever I finished a poem, an essay, a paper for school, or a simply a blog entry like this one, I get really happy. Holding a finished work of writing keeps me excited even though I know it will get criticized or it will never be read. I actually do not mind showing my true self in writing. It is actually where people will get to know the real me.

Music elavates a part of myself. Whether it is music from an mp3 player, a car radio, a live musician with a band, or simply music from nature, listening to music completes a part of who I am. Singing it like owning the lyrics, playing keys on the piano, dancing to a tune, whether beautifully or amateurishly gives a sudden burst of energy. It defines the moment. Like if a caption is to a photo, a song is to a life event. A song becomes a part of the soundtrack of my life and it helps me not to lose myself to the world.

Reading also reminds me that there is fantasy, a world apart from our own. But they can be representations of the real world where we live in such as characters in novels that we can relate to. As much as reading brings me to fantasy, it also guides me back to reality. Due to this, I become more hopeful and my dreams become bigger.

The presence of people I value and care about the most also keeps me from losing myself. They are always there to remind me who I was, who I am, and who I can be. They fill in the blanks about myself that I have forgotten or have never realized. I am very grateful for the people who are still sticking with me and have stood the test of time. I do hope each one of us always have people like them in our lives.