"If we cut off their tongues and forbid the Christians speech, they love with their hands, with their feet, and with their eyes, they love always and everywhere until their last respiration."

This is my love life. This is how I want to love my Maker, my Husband (Isaiah 54). I am in love with none other than Jesus, my Lord and Saviour.

2016 was not the year when I started falling in love with God. But I became more intentional with Him this year. I wanted to know Him more than to merely see His promises come to pass. It was all about Him and His steadfast love and faithfulness for me. I have always known that He could love me that much. But I never knew that that kind of love could be enough for me.

In the previous year, God started building my faith into a whole new level. I had greater faith in Him. When I entered 2016,  I declared that He is Emmanuel (God with us). Throughout the year, I did not doubt Him when things get shaky or out of control. Instead of complaining and worrying, He taught me to focus on Him. He taught me how to listen, obey, and be still. He revealed more of His character and how much He loves me. This is the ultimate reason why this year was better than the previous years and why I am looking forward to the best years ahead. God is not yet finished with those He loves. He is going to do more and more amazing things for us. Why? Just because He loves us. Supernaturally.

This supernatural love could only be learned from God. While I was reading Luke chapters 23 and 24, I was crying. It was the time when the authorities insisted on Jesus' death even though He did not commit anything wrong. He was just and sinless in their eyes. But He was crucified. On our behalf, He asked God to forgive us for our sins because we did not know what we were doing. To be loved like that and to be taught how to love like that is a gift. Nobody deserved it. But Jesus did it anyway because of His love for us. That is His selfless, supernatural, unconditional love.

Before 2016 comes to an end, I want to write about how God showed His love to me as an act of gratitude to Him. It might be different from how God expressed it to you this year. But I'm sure there is one thing in common. It showed the depth and magnitude of His love.

"His unconditional love is limitless."

I felt God's limitless love when I started being a full-time student in April. I was jobless, broke, and delayed in the thesis calendar and life goals I have set for myself. I asked Him about the reasons for the sufferings repeatedly. I did not lose my faith. But I was crying out to Him and begging Him for quick solutions.

For each time, He did not turn His back on me. He faced me, assured me of His promises, and loved me. Despite my imperfections, His love did not cease. His love never ran out. He chose to continue loving. He provided solutions, both quick and lengthy, through financial support, new doors, encouraging and generous people, and countless little miracles. All I needed to do was be still and trust Him.

"His selfless love is shared."

Everyday, I asked God what He wanted me to do or learn from Him. It seemed that every place was a classroom. He was the teacher. Once, I felt the urge to buy something from a store in a mall. I ended up having a lengthy conversation with a saleslady. She told me that she was an inactive Christian who could not go to church anymore due to her work. She also has a baby girl. She was worried about so many things. In short, she was in a total mess. Before I left the store, I asked her if I could pray for her and she agreed happily. She was so grateful after that. As for me, I was in awe about how God used me to show compassion and love to a stranger. One visit to a store turned out to be a divine meeting.

From that day on, I asked God to use me to encourage and spread His love to others. If we have God in ours heart, then we must be overflowing. Other people need Him too. Even though we're tired, we're not being loved, or we're facing problems, we can still be a channel of His love to others. It may be difficult at times. But are we willing to die to ourselves in order to share God's love to His people? It is how God loves. He loves even though there is a need for sacrifice, even though there is not so much to gain from it.

"His supernatural love is satisfying."

Like most women, I have always dreamt of a man who would sweep me off my feet one day. I have always prayed about him. I entered this year with a brand new and restored heart. But in the middle of the year, I started to look for ways to meet new people. In this day and age, I considered the Internet as a possible venue. But a few days after, I laid on the floor, closed my eyes, and conversed with God in the middle of a Worship and Prayer Night at church. God asked me two questions. His first question was, "How do you feel about it?" I told Him that I felt so bad. I could not imagine telling my future husband about talking to numerous men before him, scanning each one, in order to select someone that matches me. There is nothing wrong with meeting people in the Internet just as long as it is God's will for your love life. Moving away from it was a decision based on my own conviction. I could not handle it like other people could. In short, it was not God's will for me. The second question was, "Don't you trust my divine algorithms or match-making?" He reminded me about my dream as a young girl. I dreamt of meeting the one in a bookstore or in a very movie-like face-to-face interaction. He asked me, "Would you settle for something less when you could have the best 'cute meet'? I could do it. I am your matchmaker." So I surrendered it to Him and let Him write our love story the way He planned it.

Everything started to change. God changed my heart into a heart that yearns for Him alone. It was not fixed on finding my life partner. It was focused on knowing Him and experiencing His steadfast love and faithfulness. To the world, my relationship status would be described as lonely, boring, and loveless at my late 20s. But to me, this season was joyful, exciting, and full of love. I am in a relationship with my Father, the Great Lover Himself. I do not need to worry about anything for His love lasts and satisfies. It is all I could ever need in this season.

If you find yourself looking for a love that is limitless, overflowing, and satisfying, enter a love life with God first. It is the best love story one could ever have. The love story that we are yearning for with another person begins with Him. In order for us to fully love another person, we must learn to love like God. He is going to prepare us for that journey but we must die to ourselves and love Him first. In return of our love for Him, His peace that transcends all understanding will fill us (John 14:27; Philippians 4:7). We do not need to worry about our identity or our worth. God's love consumes us.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

This is the steadfast love that I found in 2016. I hope and pray that those who haven't experienced God's love seek it and find it with all their hearts (Jeremiah 29:13). May His love in us continue to overflow.


"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." 
-Matthew 22:37

Cheers to your best year yet! (:

K

A million times in our lives, I'm sure we have heard God's voice telling us to "Go." He wanted us to do something, usually something that we did not think highly of. But before we obey Him, we usually ask Him a question, "Okay, God. But when?" This response might be due to fear from the unknown or lack of trust in Him. But no matter how hard we resist to follow His command, He will never stop bugging us until we act on it.

Through the years, God has kept on reminding me to believe and trust Him through this verse: "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." -Habakkuk 2:3

While waiting, God does not want us to believe and just be idle. He wants us to continue living our lives while entrusting Him our dreams and desires. Sometimes, the delays come just because we do not believe. We could not wait. So we move based on what we want; ignoring God in the process. Or sometimes we just sit still doing nothing. How do we really respond?

This year, I asked God some questions and the Bible Verses He gave to each one that satisfied my yearnings for answers.

1. What is God's plan for my life?



We have asked this question a million times. He is the only one who could tell us the things that He desires for us. He might use people around us, strangers, friends, or family. But we could only make sure that it is from Him when it confirms what He has already told us. It comes through His Word, prayers, visions, and prophecies. God reveals it to YOU and ME.

2. When is the appointed time?



Good things take time. God makes waiting part of receiving the beautiful plans He has for you and me. He does not only want us to enjoy receiving them but to enjoy the process of waiting upon them. He has already gone before us and He will guard us when that appointed time comes.

3. How do I wait for it?


4. What do I do when it comes?


Simply be thankful. Let God's steadfast love and faithfulness be known to mankind. Spread the Word about how good, pleasing, and perfect God is. We are expected to receive what we have been given. But we must have a grateful heart to God who has given us all things.

In this season, I have heard God's voice telling me to go and do things. Sure, I have asked him a lot of questions aside from the ones I listed here. The key is to just keep on seeking Him. When you get answers, obey Him.

Through the process of waiting upon Him, I realized that listening to other people clouds God's messages. You must listen to God only. Many times, people kept on saying to do this or to do that. Then, when I started to commune with Him, everything became clear. God wanted me to keep on taking chances until the right time for me to step into the open doors come. It was not for others to do. It was between me and God.

God wanted me to do my part by exercising my faith in Him. It was not easy to just go and do things while others are doubting you or advising you to do something else. But doing the things God has asked you to do, without knowing the outcomes, acting out of pure faith, honours Him. I believe that He will outdo every pain, suffering, and hardship that I have experienced in order to get there.

So when God says go, don't say no. Just go.

I do not like being angry. It is the feeling that I hate most in the world. I feel bad after showing my anger at someone. Most people would say that it is normal to be angry and that it is healthy to be angry sometimes. Being an introvert does not necessarily mean that there will be less chances of showing anger. Actually, it is dangerous an introverted person to be angry because he/she does not let out his/her feelings as often as an extroverted person does. But when the times comes, an outburst happens.

I always pray to God about anger. The Bible has several verses about it that I have held on to all these years. These verses guide me in how to manage my anger. It helps me respond to someone or something in an appropriate or respectful manner, one that leads me away from hurting another person or even myself.

1. Anger leads to sin.

Source: photographyofthoughts.wordpress.com

For six years of teaching, I have been carrying my hobbies along with me. My hobbies are photography, writing, reading, listening to music, and traveling. I call them hobbies for they are not included in my job description as a teacher.

Finding a job that involves my hobbies is possible. There is a possibility to take job of a writer and photographer for a travel or music magazine. That can be so much fun! But I think that would not be my calling. I cannot leave teaching for good just because I want to pursue them. I am actually contented with the fact that I could do them whenever I please even though I could not be paid for them.

I am reminded of the reasons why I should not give up on my hobbies. Learning from my dad who is a hobbyist too, I go back to them whenever I want to. They are like places to escape to and hide in. I once wrote a blog about keeping the things that bring joy, Resonating with Walter Mitty (Not Secretly). Do not ever lose the things that bring you joy. For if you do, you'll end up looking for pieces that make up yourself. Do not sacrifice it for the sake of your job. Because once you get home and you want to relax, they are the ones you will end up doing.

This blog, I AM A-O-KAYE is actually a major example of a place wherein all my hobbies jive: writing, photography, reading, listening to music, and traveling. Whenever I travel, I usually take photos and I write about them. I also write about my experience listening to my favorite band/s. Sometimes, I write about what I've learned from a book or an event. Like many bloggers and writers, I do not earn from this. But I do not worry much about it.

Rommel Bundalian, a Fujifilm photographer stated, "Shoot not for others to like. Shoot for yourself." It's the same in writing. Write not for others to read. Write for yourself. It doesn't mean your writing has no purpose. You write because of your passion instead of your desire to catch attention or please people. Keep on writing even though your work is still amateur or no one reads your work. Everything gets better over time. It just begins with writing for the sake of your love for it.

When I was in elementary, my major hobby was writing poems and stories and drawing about them. The topics were crappy because they were mostly about love, family, and animals. Those writings would not make articles and books. But I wrote anyway. In high school, I joined the school newspaper. Though I quit the year after, I still enjoyed all activities that involved writing. On my third year, I wrote on my English workbook that I wanted to be a writer. My English teacher, who happened to be a rockstar and one of my favorites, told me that I should. I tore the paper out of the workbook and kept it. When senior year came, I signed up for Journalism which eventually led me to a spot in the Yearbook Team. Then, college was a time for me to mature in writing. I wrote about God a lot. I still wrote some crappy poems about love and school. But I think what I enjoyed most was writing about Him. I still do. Academic writing always get in the way though. Thesis it!

Writing is merely a hobby to me right now. I couldn't even call myself a good writer. But if I will have to turn it into a dream, I envision myself getting better at it and making a difference through it. Though I cannot give up teaching entirely, I think writing can still connect to teaching. They say teachers make good writers as well. We'll see.

If God wills these hobbies to turn into a career, then all I need to do is obey and use them in a larger scale for His glory.

There are beautiful stories behind the songs in Switchfoot's 10th album, Where the Light Shines Through. A few of the beautiful stories have already been shared in switchfoot.com/journal. Aside from those stories, I believe every listener also has his/her own story or reflections about the songs as well. So here I am writing how the songs spoke to me. I do not have a deep knowledge on technicality and musicality but I am a big fan of words. And words have a transformative power in a song.

I read the story behind the first track Holy Water. To me, what Jon said about it is true. Indeed, it is rock and roll in a welcome party. When I heard it for the first time, I thirsted for more. I wanted to hear the rest of the album. It is where it should be. It is a good start. "Hold the old me down. Give me the waters that could help me heal."

Float is a life dance. I was drawn to the song when I heard the story about Jon Foreman's friend who was serving the victims of ISIS and other sources of violence in Iraq. I was even more touched when they came here for an intimate concert and shot the music video in my home country, the Philippines. Amidst suffering, this is how we respond. We smile. We dance. We float. This kind of response does not entail oblivion. But it encourages us that we can rise above our hardships and be freed from them. "I'm in orbit like a jet pilot. Ain't no gravity to try to fight it. It's how we float, yeah. We ain't never coming down."

Where The Light Shines Through is one of the first songs in this album that I listened to (Thanks to the preorder releases). This title track was the demo version of the song. It sounds amazing! It shows what they can offer as a band---talent, passion, music, scars, and all. I am even more awed by the message of the song. A scarred state is an ugly state. But in this song, it makes us see our scars as dark stars. It is a reminder to expose those callused parts of us and let the light shines through them. "Ain't we all just Abraham's sons? Saint and sinner with the song and drum? And falling on our knees, we all bleed the same. And the only tattoos that I have are scars. I got your name written on my heart. And the story that brought us here ain't the thing I'd change, no." This song is the core of the album.

I Won't Let You Go is a love song. This speaks about the doubts and fears that surface between two lives or between a person and God. But aside from those doubts and fears, it also speaks about trust and hope in each other. It is promising. "There ain't no darkness strong enough that could tear you out from my heart. There ain't no strength that's strong enough that could tear this love apart. Never gonna let you go. No I won't let you go."

If The House Burns Down Tonight is an ignition. It starts with a mellow voice from Jon, carries the band into an upbeat motion, and explodes into fire. The message is simple: "Ashes from the flames, the truth is what remains." 

The Day That I Found God is an entry to a diary. It is pure and honest. It is something that is first written and sung in a quiet, secluded place. When I listened to it, it made me look around in my room where I had encountered God a million times. It illustrates the times of wrestling and losing the fight but ending up finding God in the process. "And all I know is that I still don't know a lot. I don't know how it ends I'm in the middle of this plot. Yeah and I found grace for the man that I am not."

Heart and start are two words echoing in Shake This Feeling. In times when everything is falling apart, the heart gets broken. Then there is always that desire to start all over again. It is not easy to shake off that feeling. This is why I feel like this song is a desperate wish. "We both started with a broken heart. Admit there's a problem that's a start. And I want to start healing, healing."

The first thing I noticed about Bull In A China Shop is its striking title. It is the funkiest song in the album. At first, it does not make sense to me. What is a bull doing in a China Shop? But then, I remember the cries of the youth. "I want peace and all I got's this war. I want wings and all I got's this floor. I want a shot of what I'm aiming for. Coming in hot but they block this door. So bring me the music for the revolution. I'm singing for more than just a dead solution." I may be wrong. I may still be a bull.

Live It Well is a life mantra. If I can put it on my face everyday to inspire people, I will. "Life is short. I want to live it well. I got one life and one love. I got one voice. But maybe that's enough. 'Cause with one heartbeat and two hands to give. I got one shot. One life to live."

Looking For America is a wake-up call. I am not a U.S. citizen nor am I an American, yet I get the message. America needs plenty change. Switchfoot is sending a distinct message across its people: "America, who are you? Is God still on your side? I want to see a nation rise above the fear and fight that haunts these streets tonight." I feel like throwing this question as well, "Philippines, who are you?"

Healer of Souls is an invitation to home. "We're going down the road gonna find your place at the healer of souls. We're gonna watch these scars just fade away, we're gonna make it home." It tells us that we desire something. But we are all running from our problems. We are limping down the road. We cannot make it home without the Healer of Souls.

Hope Is The Anthem is THE anthem. It is uplifting and it exposes the words of the soul. It asks us to ruminate. Who is your heartbeat? Who is your oxygen? Who is your banner, your home? Who is your future, your song? Where do you get hope? We must find out for whom our hearts beat and identify where our hopes are anchored on. In dark times, who/what is the source of our hopes? "My heart is beating like a blown speaker. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weaker. A distortion pedal and a pair of wings. And an anthem played on broken strings." It discloses the message of the whole album. Hope is the anthem of our souls.

The three bonus tracks were equally as good as the 12 tracks in this album.

I first heard Light And Heavy from an acoustic session of Jon Foreman online a few years ago. It is a weighty song. It comes out raw and personal. "On my pilgrimage, I'm traveling light with a heavy heart." To me, the light and dark moments in life are inevitable. But we do not stop looking for answers. We still hope.

Begin Forever is a reminder to go for our dreams. "It's never too late to try. It's never too late to finally find a way to make it right. " This song makes me smile. (:

When Was The Last Time is an intriguing question. This chorus says it all:"When was the last time that you felt alive? Singing when was the last time that you tried something for the first time? And let go."

Like any Switchfoot album, the songs deliver words of truth and encouragement amidst tough times. The problems of the people in our world do not change. They are the same issues that take up many forms year after year. To be able to sing about these issues is a strength of the band. Every song invites us to heal, to dream, to fight, to seek, and to hope in this broken world.

We may not have the same thoughts on this album. But we may have to agree that this band have tasted the dark and the light. The songs of hope that they sing every night are evidences of these. This new album is for every person who have gone through or is going through the same. 

The Logitech speakers that I won from the Vice Verses Twitter Contest (2011) is still alive. It launched WTLST with an amazing sound.

This year, God gave us a wonderful blessing. Mom and Dad bought a land and built a house on a hill in Puerto Princesa, Palawan. The view of the house is overlooking a magnificent, painting-like view of a bay. Underneath the blue skies and enormous clouds, yachts are floating in the sea in alternating motions. It is definitely a beauty to behold. It is God's gift to Mom.

On the night of our arrival from Manila, we were supposed to go home to eat and rest a bit. Then we would ride a rented van to El Nido. However, the passing "hanging habagat" stopped us from pursuing our plans. So we just decided to spend our days in Puerto Princesa and look for alternatives.

Actually, the whole trip was PalaEWAN for three reasons. EWAN as in ''hindi ko alam'' talaga. I meant this not in a negative way, okay? Uncertainty is good. ((:

1) The house was a surprise.

Mom already showed us some pictures of the house before. But it was beyond my imagination. The house was a confirmation that she was indeed a frustrated architect, carpenter, and engineer. I'm not kidding. She really did a good job. Though the house was clearly not finished yet and there were still some tweakings to be done, I am assured that the outcome would be beautiful. It was a beautiful work in progress. It blends in Palawan.

My darkest battles in life are rooted in fear. I feared that time is too short. I feared that I would not be good enough. I feared that I would lose a friend. I feared that I would not be able to get through without a job. I feared to live alone. And the list goes on.

Two years have already passed since I started studying about my thesis topic for my Master's (MA). I changed my mind a hundred times. But I ended up making a 180 degree turn, scrapping everything off and starting again.

Studying while working was so difficult. I felt like I am going crazy when I still had to attend to my life after work. I had to go to night time classes and go home late. I also had to write my papers and reports and study for exams in the wee hours of the night in order to get by. Even though my mind was swirling in different places, I had to present in front of my teachers and classmates. I tried my best to keep my mind sane. I could not give up work because I needed to pay my own tuition fees. I also invested on two virus-free laptops in which one already broke down. I knew that it would help me write my thesis despite my salary being cut down in half every month for an entire year.

I questioned myself several times about whether I should teach or study in order to concentrate on one. Come the time last month when I finally decided to let go of work for a few months. Now, I am broke. I stay home most of the time. Taking hold of my time is a dream. But it is also a nightmare in some days. Because I still live with my parents and siblings, I am entitled to help out in the household chores. There are a lot of times when I have to do chores instead of work on my thesis. Several times a day, I wish to be casted away in a quiet and lonesome place whenever I want to concentrate on my writing. Most of the time, I had my freedom to write in my favorite college libraries. Not that I don't want to help (one of my top love languages is service), I just feel like I really need to finish now so I won't have to prolong it. My parents keep asking me why it is taking so long. Well, this is why it is. I am preoccupied and distracted with so many things.

But I know that life beyond what I am currently doing is harder. Because of God's grace alone, I am able to stay alive. Instead of merely complaining, I begin to be thankful for how steadfast and faithful God's love is for me. Who would have the opportunity to travel cities, states, and countries, and continents while finishing MA with most expenses paid? Who would have the luxury to stay in my parents' house at this age and add the fact that they already sent me to school for 15 years? Who would have faithful and supportive family and friends who always give words of wisdom and help me in making difficult life decisions? Whenever I feel like complaining, I remember God's Word.

 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV

God is testing me every time He sends responsibilities such as work and chores. He is moulding my character for bigger and greater responsibilities in the future wherein I have to multi-task. I have to know how to keep my cool and deliver well despite the anxiety and stress. In spite of my weaknesses and other people's weaknesses, I am able to do above and beyond what anyone could ever imagine.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

So how am I going to attain success in this journey? Through God's strength, I draw strength from. Through God's grace, I am able to forgive others and even myself for my shortcomings and failures. Through God's reprimands, I correct my actions. Through God's power, I welcome and withstand the difficulties that my life brings. Through God's faithfulness, I believe. A successful journey can only be attained through God. He is the same before, now, and forever. His promise is being fulfilled.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." Exodus 14:14

I ask, believe, and not doubt God (James 1:5-6) to continue to go before me. I will choose to follow His timeline more than my own or others'. The journey will not take too long or too short but just right. And whatever comes, I believe that He will uplift and provide me with peace and rest.

The most important thing is that I feel Him within me and I could see Him glorified in my life when this research journey has come to an end.

That is enough to know and receive.