During the saddest times, I usually write and put my feelings into prose. But sometimes, I cannot find the words. So I read the Bible and let God lead me to the perfect prose: His Word.

I am currently in a season of a door left open for years and now finally closing. God spoke to me through the verses below.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I heard and understood that He is sovereign over me. He is sovereign over my emotions. Because of this, I am now handling my emotions as if they are not highly important. The most important thing is that I am following His ways and I am at the center of His will. My emotions are merely tiny parts of the whole picture.

"Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about." Acts 1:4


God says wait for the gift He promised. He wants me to stay and stand my ground. Our current series in church talked about waiting being connected to faith. Each of us should develop strong faith. Waiting on Him seems like a daunting task especially if great things are coming. But having a highly established faith in Him makes waiting easy.

God promises in Matthew 21:21 to those who wait: "I tell you the truth if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to the mountain, 'Go throw yourself unto the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Like the apostles in Acts chapter 1, I was worried and even terrified. I asked too, "Will you restore me?" and "When will I be okay?" Then He answered in Acts 1:7-8.

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set in his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

I thought about the prophecy spoken to me that concern not only a certain part of my life but also my mission as a whole. God called me a witness and He planned to send me to places. What happened to the hope I had when I first heard it? Was it gone or set aside because of one earthly desire?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart, 
test me and know my anxious thoughts, 
See if there is any offensive way in me, 
and lead me to the way everlasting."
Psalm 139: 23-24

God knows my heart. He wants to lead me to the eternal and not to the temporary. But like King Solomon, if I am facing something big, then I need a big God. I need Him more than ever.

I asked, "Give me now wisdom and knowledge.." 2 Chronicles 1:10

Then He promised, "Wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee." 2 Chronicles 1:12

The same words He said to the sick woman in Mark 5:34, He said to me, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Because of God's grace and wisdom, this season is easy to bear. Setting aside how I feel, I am excited for the eternal glory that will far outweigh everything (2 Corinthians 4:17). Honestly, I am looking forward to what God will do next. Because He closed a door, I believe I am one step closer to the right door. Truly, there are so many great things to be excited about. The long-awaited opening of that door (or those doors!) are about to come.

As I wait in faith, I will keep on asking Him one thing. That is to receive Greater Faith.

I claim this verse as His reply:

"..since God had planned something better for me (us) so that only together with me (us) would they be made perfect." Hebrews 11:40

I would be lying if I say that this is the first time I am crying because of a heart-related issue. But this time, I realized that I have not been crying over a certain person at all. I was crying because of failed expectations. My needs and wants were not met by a certain person. Because of the so-called destiny that I was aiming for did not occur, my heart got broken. The reason for my pain was not the person I invested feelings in. It was me. I got my heart broken because of myself.

I am the one who got my heart broken because I allowed myself to be fooled by my heart. But the truth is, if we want our hearts to be saved from the pain, we cannot allow ourselves to be fooled by our own hearts. This is an opinion that not many people believe in. Most people will say, "Follow your heart!" But the truth is, "Don't follow your heart." Our hearts are deceiving. Instead of hearing from God, we will end up hearing from our hearts and acting in accordance to what a typical person in this world needs and wants. But are we supposed to behave like every typical person in this world? No. God wants us to be different from the world. He desires so much more for us, more than what we need and want.

Truly, I have proven once again that conversing with God about a heart issue is the best. He likes it when we pour out everything we feel. He even knows how we feel before we talk to Him. He is the source of the peace that is beyond understanding (Philippians 4:7). I do not completely understand His plans and His reasons. But I do understand the fact that He loves me very much. Knowing that, I think having Him and only Him is enough.

These are what God and I talked about tonight. I told him that "Never again...

1) ...will I allow my heart to dominated by a man or anything apart from God. Indeed, God is a jealous God. Once someone or something overcomes my heart and sets Him aside, He gets hurt too. God must be above everything. I mean everything."

2) ..will I let my heart cry or hope for someone who does not value me or a person who is not ready to be with me at all. Investing my feelings on someone or something uncertain will only result to failed expectations. God will only allow a certain man who will not only value me as a woman but will always love God and remain in the center of His will."

3) ..will I forget that I am a princess of God, designed and created to be sought after. I am not created to go after men. I am born to be pursued. I am not saying that I will never show feelings or send signals toward a person. But I will never become the "man" in the relationship: The first to confess and the person who makes all the effort and pursues. I will allow them to do what God called them to do."

In this life, we can easily be fooled by our own hearts and by people around us who are setting the standard of the world. But aren't God's standards higher than the world's? The happiness that following our hearts may bring us won't last. God gives us joy that will enable us to walk with peace, wisdom, and grace in eternity. When we follow God, instead of our hearts, every issue of the heart becomes manageable. 

Follow God and your heart will never be fooled again.

3 Years

June 1, 2008

12:20 AM 

After three years of reading "Boy Meets Girl," I finished it. And I talked to God about it. I know you may think it's still early for me to think of finding true love and marriage but I never knew this book could give me a lot of realizations about the future. Because of this book, I learned to fully surrender my past, my present, and my future.

I did surrender my life to God 4 years ago. He knows every bit of it. But sometimes, I honestly could not stop thinking of things that I've done before and ask Him, "Am I worth it, Lord?" or "Can he still accept me despite all of those?" Then a line from that book changed my heart. It read: "If I had rejected her, she would not have been devastated, because her ultimate security was found in the blood-bought acceptance of her Father in heaven." 

What really mattered is that God has forgiven me. After I confessed all that I've done that did not honor Him, He never, even for once, rejected me. In fact, He embraced me and promised never to leave me. Joshua Harris was right, "His love is unfailing. And at the right time, He can bring a man or woman into your life who will accept you and forgive your past." Revealing my past to my future man is not that scary anymore. When that day comes, I will not be afraid of him because I believe God has already forgiven me and loved me despite the things I have done.

In Chapter 12, the last chapter of the book, I was blessed by Joshua Harris' story of her friend that echoed what I'm feeling for three years. Here it goes:

Recently she emailed me about a dream God gave her. It gave her renewed faith to trust Him. I hope it encourages you as well.

"I saw the Creator's hands forming little me. The same hands that had created the stars and the heavens were carefully fashioning me. I was filled with wonder and gratefulness.

I wept as I continued to see myself, now a young lady, sitting in the center of His hand, knees drawn up to my chest, my head lifted to the Lover of my soul--my all in all. I was focused on Him and only Him. My gaze was to have His total attention. I sat for what seemed an eternity, marveling and communing with my Savior, my eyes reveling in Him."

As I sat there, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, His other hand coming into view and in that hand I saw him, I knew who it was the instant I saw that it was a man. Simultaneously, we jumped to our feet and looked up at the Master.

"Is that him?" I asked, "The one that I have been waiting for? The one who has been waiting for me? Is it him?"

I could hear that he was asking the same question about me. "Is that her? The one that I have been waiting for? The one who has been waiting for me?" 

Both of our voices quaked with excitement, but they could not compare to the joy and pleasure that was in God's voice as He smiled and said, "Yes." Bringing His hands close, He joined our hands and released us into the world... together.

"I can't tell you the joy and the peace the dream brought to my heart," Kimberly told me. For her, it was an affirmation and reminder of what the Bible clearly taught. God had shaped and formed her (Psalm 119:73). God knew her intimately (Psalm 139:2). Before anything else, God wanted her to look to Him for her soul's satisfaction.

Kimberly told a few friends about her dream. Each one asked, "What did he look like? What did your husband look like?"

"I don't know," she answered them. "His face was never clear. But that's all right, because I know the face of the One that I am looking into right now and that is all that matters."

I feel blessed because of the last lines Kimberly said to her friends. God knows me very well. He knows when and how to speak to me so that everything will make perfect sense. 

For the first time, I finally understood what my first dream about the mystery meant. His face may be unclear but God made it that way for a reason. He was not supposed to be revealed yet. But because of those dreams, I was able to flee from having the possibilities of temptations in the past that could have gotten worst. Those dreams gave me patience to wait because He has reserved someone out there for me. This is also why I never engaged in relationships that do not honor Him again. That is why I remained single until now. That is why I already turned down many. And that is why I stopped looking for the right person... because I hope and believe that someday, the right person will come to find me.

I may not know the reasons why the mystery person in my dream was revealed to me or I thought was revealed to me after two years, but I am no longer saying that the man in my dream was the one. Our minds can play tricks at times. I want to see this person as a mystery. He will now be blurry, like that in my dream, broken pieces of glass.

I loved God even more in this moment. I wanted to hug Him so tight. I wanted to praise Him for the beauty of the future He has in store for me. His timing is always perfect... and beautiful.

This will be the last blog I will ever write about him. The next will be when God says so. (:

  

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." 

Proverbs 3:5-6 

While I was on my way tonight to the nearest jeepney stop, I kept thinking about God. I was reminded of my 3 years blog and *whoishe?*, my made-up name for the right person. For a millionth time, I asked God, "Who is he, really?" For the very first time, He answered, "He is Jesus, Your Lord and Saviour." My heart rose and I smiled like a silly girl walking under the rain on the side of the road. How could I not thought of that? For all those years, I have been trying to find out who he is, when I already knew who He is. Isn't that enough? Isn't knowing God deeper and having a complete revelation of Him already satisfying? Isn't His Love more than enough? Slowly but surely, I answered "Yes" to my own questions. "Yes. Jesus is enough for me."

Currently, I am still at the center of His hand, head lifted to Him, focus and gaze toward Him, and marvelling and communing with Him every single day. I know my Lover's face. He is the Lover of my soul. He takes care of my heart. Throughout the years I have spent with Him, I realized that the most beautiful love story that I could ever have already began...

...and it started with the decision to love God first. It is never too early or too late to fall in love with Him.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

John14:27

Back in 2010, I read the book entitled Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris for the very first time. This book was as special to me as his first book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. But I only bought his second book as a reminder of God's promise to me in 2002.

I once said in a blog that I would never write about *whoishe?* again until God says so. Actually, I still do not know who he is. But I just wanted to share how this book can really help us in waiting for the right one or in that season of finding out if he or she is the right one.

Finding the book once again after two years caused me to reread its now off-white pages. I want to understand more how God creates love stories. When I started reading Part I, I realized right away that I do not know enough. This book is speaking to me in a different light now. As I read the book, I listed some of God's quotable quotes.

1. Implicitly trust the Master to bring what is good.

Most of our questions are toward meeting the one. When in fact, we should simply relax and just enjoy the journey of meeting the one. Because God has already planned it well.

2. Do what is best for another.

When you truly care about another person, you act in accordance to him/her. You are no longer thinking about yourself. Your desire becomes selfless.

3. "No matter where we are today or what mistakes we've made in the past, He has given us everything we need to glorify Him right now."

Forever and ever amen. (: 

4. Falling in love was God's idea.

God is the author of romance. So we must always be reminded by the Song of Songs 8:4. Do not awaken love until it so desires. Simple? Nah. But trust me, it is worth it. I've been there. Letting go and letting God is the best decision you will ever make when it comes to falling in love.

 5. Wisdom is the art of living skillfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves.

Wisdom is essential in a skillfull romance. You are setting aside yourself and you are letting yourself be directed by what is true about God and about the world He has made.

6. Time is keeping everything from happening all at once.

I believe in this perspective about time. Everything has its own perfect timing. If all of your dreams were to happen all at once (the dream job, the wedding, the husband and kids, the travels, etcetera, etcetera...), how would you feel? Will you be able to do it all? Your dreams become more beautiful when the timing is right.

7. Date with a purpose. 

The purpose is to grow closer to each other but all for the very clearly stated purpose of finding out if God would have you married. Courtship, just like being in a relationship, is a commitment. You must consider marriage. This was a "WOW moment" to me. I have to ask myself several times if I am ready or will I be ready for it. Courtship is truly a serious thing.

8. Observe each other in real-life settings--in families, church life, with friends, and even handling pressure at work.

I have looked back on the times I have dated. I realized that all of them mostly include getting to know the person outside of the family, church, school, and with friends. We were always in our own exclusive world. Thus, those dates were far from the skillful romance that enables two people to know the true character of each other. In order to truly know each other, you need to know if the true character of someone can win your heart. The next one surely has to be a skillful romance.

 9. Philippians 4:6-7.

Keep in mind: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

10. Find a man that you can follow.

I always have a weak heart for fathers and daughters. I believe that fathers want their daughters to follow their commands and look up to them as an inspiration. Whether they have failed or succeeded in this, they desire a life that their daughters can follow. Because someday there is a possibility of a similar man that will lead their daughters' lives as well. Whether that man comes like a 'knight in shining armor' or 'quietly like an old friend,' fathers know that if it comes from the hand of God, then their daughters are in good hands. Let God find the man you can follow for you just as he chose your father for you to follow.

If you ask me if I am ready for romance, I am only rethinking. I believe only God knows who, when, where, or how and I entrust it all to Him. During this season of waiting, I will fix my eyes on Him and let Him lead me to it at the right time.


I will reread and write about Part II: The Season of Courtship once I get there. To you, my friends and family, who are in a season of courtship or getting there, may your stories be an inspiration.

The 14th of February has always been a day for lovers to me. Recalling myself in the past years, I have spent my Valentine's Day with noone really special and no special event to attend to. I could recall one attendance in LoveRage or two, a couple of surprise flowers and gifts, some mall dates and meetups. But I seriously could not even count one of them as my ideal Valentine's Day, one you can really spend with someone special and happiness radiates you all day long.

Recently, the right perspective dawned on me. I had my ideal Valentine's Days with someone special and in fact, the days turned out to be special. Throughout those years of waiting on someone to ask me out on Valentine's Day, I actually had special dates with Love himself. What made them special was that the love bug has lasted for a long time. Not just on Valentine's Day but throughout the whole year until the next stings came along. The same sting has been with me for years now. For the years I have called myself dateless on Valentine's Day, I actually had something special going on with the Best Date Ever.

Every year, Valentine's Day brought a different story. As I am having a date with BDE tonight at one of my most favorite coffee shop CBTL, I am glad to have the opportunity to write about a new story I encountered with him.

In class today...

Student: Teacher, why did Jesus die on the cross?
Teacher: Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. Because he loves us.
Student: But why is he on the cross?
Teacher: Because that is where the people put him to die.
Student: Why is there blood on his… (points to his palm)
Teacher: The nails on his hands made his blood flow out of his body. So he died.
Student: Ooooh... but what about my Dad?
Teacher: What happened to your Dad?
Student: He died. He is now in heaven.
Teacher: Why do you think he died?
Student: Uhh… my Mom just told me. I am just sad. I just miss him.
Teacher: (about to give him a shoulder hug)
Student: Oooh Teacher, you know I did my PACEs!!!
Teacher: (in tears)
…
Student: Teacher, why are you sad?
Teacher: Nothing.
Student: Is it because Jesus died?
Teacher: Yes.

I have never had a close encounter with death. Though I have close family members who died and whom I cried for, I never knew what death feels like. A short conversation with an eight year old about Jesus and death was a first time to me. It actually brought me to a deeper contemplation about what and who Love really is.

Jesus is Love. What He did on the cross was exactly a good example of love. Loving someone is more than the emotional feelings we carry for another person. If love was just about the emotions, then Jesus could have simply lived in peace and left us alone. But He loves us despite of our imperfections. He died to save us from our sins. There could never be a greater act of love than dying for another person.

To love is to die. I once said before that to live is to die. When we are living, we are also loving. Loving passes on a part of ourselves to that person or thing. When we love truly, we become sacrificial. We become selfless. We can even give up our chance to live. And this love lives beyond death.

I can feel and see the love of my eight year old student for his father. At a young age, he actually had the kind of love that could last for a long time. He has been bitten by the same love bug that has bitten me and would continue to bit me. As much as I wanted to cry with him and console him, I also delight in him. There would come a day like today when he would miss his father again. But I'm sure that he would always be reminded of a lasting love. A love that transcends death itself. A love created by Love himself.

If Valentine's Day would come every year with a different story, I would never flee from it again. I would anticipate it for the incomparable happiness it brings. Spending it with the Maker of Love would bring forth different kinds of love that lasts for a long time. And I believe a time for another incandescent love that most people have been waiting for would arrive. It does take time, sometimes almost a lifetime. But when we are loved by our Lover, time flees. And the next thing we know, it becomes the next chapter of our lives.

My simple Valentine's Day message would be this: Get yourself bitten by the Love's love bug, die for others whether literally or figuratively, and love and love again.

Happy Valentine's Day! :-)

There's nothing wrong with falling in love and showing your love to another person. But when  this love turns into a game, then it has to be brought into a full halt. Two people must not be in a silly game of love or else, both of them will definitely lose.

Chapter 3: Don't Play Games or Lead People On



What goes around comes around. This is better known as karma. We all know that whatever we do to another person, we always get it back. We may not realize it now but once we start treating other people badly, we acquire it as a habit. This can lead to serious relationship issues in the future which may be hard for us to control. 

Women most often criticize men for doing the bad actions in relationships. However, they must also look at themselves and see if we are treating other people the way they want to be treated. It is impossible to form an open, loving and trusting relationship with another person if we play games, make them feel insecure, or be mean to them.

Lesson to be Learned: Leading People on Can Rebound on You

In Sense and Sensibility, Willoughby portrayed both a hero and a disagreeable man. He tried winning Marianne's affection and in the process, fell in love with her. Because Mariane comes from a poor family, he abandons her, sets off to the city, and marries a rich girl he doesn't love. Leading Marianne on, he breaks her heart. When he comes to his senses, he apologizes even though it was too late. While he traps himself in a horrible marriage, Marianne finds peace in a marriage with Colonel Brandon who truly loves her.

One thing I noticed is that most women, who are careful and afraid, tend to be the ones who play the game. They tend to go out with men, cancel at the last minute, flirt, and then throw them off guard. These women are insecure mostly because they are scared of betrayal or rejection. But little do these women know that this can only stop them from getting what they really want. And obviously, what these women want is "someone to want them back (Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill, 2004)."

What women need to do is to be genuine in order to have a serious and honest relationship with another person. Jane Austen pointed out that nothing is really wrong with flirting, attracting people, and having a good time. But if it becomes a dangerous habit which can be destructive to people involved, then it's time to pause and think. This technique of winning people over through manipulation and seduction will never work. 

Lesson to be Learned: Don't Get Addicted to Flirting

One of the wonders of Jane Austen's novels is that it influences us to take a good look at ourselves. What are we doing wrong? Have I done something bad to another person? We are also human and we have the tendency to exhibit bad actions as long as we're here on earth. But that does not mean we can do nothing to stop it.

We need to take a good look on our own behaviors. Are we flirting or leading people on? If we are, then maybe we are insecure and we want assurance from people to tell us that we are attractive, interesting, and pleasing in their eyes. If we continue doing this, we may not get what we truly want. Flirting and mentally seducing people will not bring us to serious and honest relationships. It will just tag along our backs like casual hyenas looking for fun and nothing else. If  we are truly being genuine and honest to ourselves, is this what we really want? Is being a Henry Crawford, a nasty game player of Mansfield Park who leads two beautiful and deserving women on for nothing, what we really want to be?

Lesson to be Learned: Don't be Flattered by Toxic Flirts

Women should hold on to their hearts. No matter how much affection and praise a woman receives, she still needs to protect herself. There are different kinds of men and it is a must for every woman to discern each man first before getting into a relationship or settling down with him. A man can be absolutely fond of a woman and her charm--smile with her, laugh at her jokes, compliments her, and pays full attention to her. But he cannot be so interested in her way beyond anything he actually know about her. Because he is busy thinking about how good and manly he looks with her and what other people are saying. He thinks about himself 101% of the time. And these are what we call toxic flirts, who cannot do any better than what they are capable of. 

When a woman meets a toxic flirt, she can always test him. If she tells him to slow down, he will.. only IF he is not a Henry Crawford. If he happens to be one, then he will disappear like magic. As written in this book, "Don't be seduced by someone who's rushing you and over-powering you with his charm. It will always end in tears."

What a woman should do is to value her own feelings. Letting a Henry toy with her feelings and play with her will not do her any good unless she really wants a holiday romance or a fast fillip. A relationship with a Henry will just lead to a disastrous marriage.  A Mrs. Crawford will only have a lifetime of chasing over a man who will be chasing after many other women. It will only lead to one game after another wherein all of them will just end up in misery. We all know misery is not the best company especially if we are looking for something else greater.

Yes, you got that right. Something else greater is always in ahead of us. We deserve it. The only reason why we have a hard time getting it is because we are blinded by this continuous and disastrous livelihood. We think that if we open our hearts and minds to somebody else in a translucent way, we can mess up our hearts. In fact, transparency is the only way we can find something else greater--whether it is a person we have been waiting for our whole lives, a feeling that has been absent for a long time, a relationship that is honest and just, or a love that can go on for eternity. We need to be genuine not only to others but to ourselves. What do we want?

If we all come to think of it, we all start from a messed up life of horrible relationships with people we care about but we end up trying to find our ways and groping for something greater.. not bad, but good. Something that can really affect our betterment and not mess us up or our relationships. We stop playing and we begin to value people and their feelings, and then we value ourselves and our feelings. Suddenly, relationships become serious and honest. Neither we become a toxic flirt nor let a toxic flirt bewitch us. We finally meet what we truly want.

Game over.

The Bean, Chicago, Illinois 2011

I would never do you wrong 

Or let you down or lead you on

Don't be scared, it's only love

That we're falling in 

Sorry, I'm in a Lifehouse love mode already. ((:

In my previous blog, I already mentioned when is the best time to show our feelings to another person. This next chapter specifically enumerated numerous advices about it. Though they may be somewhat different from a Christian point-of-view, I still believe these are the basic concepts that every woman should learn before they decided to lay their guard down.

Chapter 2: Don't Put Your Feelings on Public Display, Unless They're Fully Reciprocated

Not being able to show your true feelings is a problem but not being able to know when is the best time to show those feelings is another. Though women may usually know how much they like someone, it takes a long time before they can fully express those feelings. Some women lay their guard down without discerning the other person's feelings. But most women still ensure that their feelings are reciprocated. The former action involves a risk while the latter involves an assurance. When it comes to men we really like, I'm sure all women want an assurance first.

Lesson to be Learned: Mutuality

The first lesson that a woman should know is the importance of mutuality, which is defined by the Webster dictionary as the quality or state of being mutual or a sharing of the same sentiments. It is related to the term 'intimacy' which primarily holds a personal or private nature. The book's example illustrated the importance of mutuality both in Marianne's and Elinor's situation concerning the men they loved. Marianne, being showy and careless about her feelings to Willoughby, has won her man though she failed to keep him in the end. As for Elinor, being shy and reserved about her feelings to Edward Ferars, has saved herself from further disappointments and pain due to lack of mutual assurance from her man. Both women expressed their feelings but in different levels of openness. I am assuming that most girls would not want to be like Marianne. She would definitely learn a lot about discretion and self-control from her sister.


When dating a man, Jane Austen also raised up the significance of the evidences that he shows. Every woman should not ignore these evidences. Whether big or small, a woman must be keen to figure out if a man likes her or not. For example, a man who constantly breaks his promises to a woman and sends mixed signals instead of making it clear that he likes her will eventually lead to a chase in her part. It is understandable to chase him a few times out of curiosity. But if she noticed that he has moved on, then she had to let him go. Falling in love and finding the right man is indeed desirable for all women. The only reminder for us is to restrain ourselves from pressure due to a relationship that is not going anywhere in the first place. Jane Austen said this is simply commonsense.

What to do instead is to respect a man's signals. In first dates and meetings, a woman should not expect anything. If a man really likes a woman, he will eventually find a way to make the communication going. If the man does not make any stride, then it is time for a woman to move on and let go. There has to be a good and constant mutual give and take. Otherwise, the woman would not get what she is giving. 

Lesson to be Learned: Don't Let a Man Play You Off Against Other Women


Do not throw yourself at a player is one of Jane Austen's commonsense advice in this book. The examples of Julia and Maria's situation illustrates how a fight over a player named Henry can lead to a huge disaster. Obviously, the man has not chosen among Julia and Maria because he likes both of them. He likes to date both of them. He loves both of them. This is ridiculous. Not being able to choose responsibly and make up his mind simply shows he is stupid. If a man really likes a woman, he will make his feelings clear to her. 

Ladies, in order to save yourself from these kind of men, Jane Austen has advised that the best way is to protect your feelings. The "guard your heart" Christian point-of-view is related to this. Our heart is the "wellspring of life" and all our deepest emotions and feelings are better to be kept rather than spoilt. Do you know why they say that a woman's heart is like a deep ocean of secrets? Well, it is because a man may know everything about a woman once she opens her heart to him. That is why women should learn when to conceal and restrain themselves from men. Ladies, you would not want to end up like Kitty and Lydia of Pride and Prejudice!

Lesson to be Learned: Self-control

Every woman should learn how to control herself. A woman who keeps throwing herself at men is not looking for love but someone to fight over loneliness, addiction, or something else. A man will never fall in love with a woman who does not want him for himself. A woman  should not be a desperate-seeming person or else she would just throw herself to the next eligible man she meets and would not even take the time to get to know him. This is not flattering to any man at all.

Like women, men also need to breathe. They need their space and a time to be alone every now and then. If a man does not ring a woman after a few dates, panicking and stressing over it would not help. Of course, there are a lot of reasons why he is not calling. 

Ladies, this relationship is new to him too. Like us, men also have the right to contemplate about us. So all we need to do is wait for him. If we do the "moves," we may do something that could ruin everything. Similarly to what Amanda Peet said to Ashton Kutcher (A Lot Like Love), imagine a guy saying this line to you: "Don't ruin it."


My personal take in this chapter is this.. Women, respect yourselves above all men. This is like a first commandment between a relationship. A woman who does not respect herself or does not know her worth and value would not get what she deserves. Before she can love another person and show her love to another person, she must learn to love herself. Once she has loved herself above all men, she would learn the importance of a constant mutual give and take relationship, the value of guarding her heart, and the art of disciplining and controlling herself in the presence of men. 

It is through this, and only through this that a woman can love another man (in this earth) apart from her own (apart from God).

When I was looking around the gift shop at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, I stumbled upon a book named "Jane Austen's Guide to Dating," written by Lauren Henderson. Beside the book, there was "Pride and Prejudice" with a green vintage-inspired cover. My eyes suddenly lit up with excitement and I convinced my mother to buy Lauren Henderson's book for me. I have never seen a copy of that book in any bookstore here in Manila. I could definitely relate this wonderful discovery to the Inkheart line, "All books are destined."


In the beginning of December, I started turning the pages of the book. It consisted of 10 chapters with some quizzes and a compatibility chart. I just finished reading Chapter 1 and I am already getting fine pieces of advice.

Chapter 1: If You Like Someone, Make It Clear That You Do

The title of the chapter seemed very straightforward, isn't it? But it is exactly what this book is advising to its readers. This book emphasized on three major points: Enjoy the moment, be open and easygoing, and don't make snap judgments.

Enjoy the Moment

Women need to be courted and they are born to enjoy it. However, women nowadays tend to obsess over men and overdo everything. The truth is, this obsession do not sweep men off their feet. This only send men running away. It even gives the impression that women are worrying about whether they are pleasing the men which should be the other way around.

What women need to do in dating or in a relationship is let men please them. If women are pleased, men are also pleased. In addition, women should show the men that they are pleased with the date, the choice of restaurant, the kind of flowers they received, and anything that they liked about the date. When men see that women are pleased, they see it as a good sign that they are making women happy.

Be Open and Easygoing

"Be yourself" is absolutely the most popular advice anybody can give to another at any situation. Following this advice still has a great effect on dating. From the very start, women and men should be making a good impression on each other. But there is no need for women and men to impress each other with things that they do not have. It will only make things difficult and probably send the wrong signals to the other person. They still have to show each other who they really are or else the dating process will not be that easy.

In dating, there are times that trusting good commonsense and instincts are the things women should do. Most books would say that if a woman likes a man and he asks her out, she should not say "yes" at once. Jane Austen is telling each woman that they need to stop hiding their true feelings and be open about it instead. Women must tell people that they like them instead of hiding their true feelings or it may be too late.

Pride and Prejudice serves as a perfect example of how women, not only men, should better show more affection than she feels. Mr. Darcy and Jane Bennet almost lost their loved ones because of their pride. Jane obviously liked Mr. Bingley but she concealed her true feelings from him. Being afraid and guarded, Jane lost the opportunity of fixing Mr. Bingley. She experienced being wounded and hurt before she could have him back. Due to the explanation of Jane's sister Elizabeth Bennet to Mr. Darcy and the help and assurances provided by Mr. Darcy to Mr. Bingley, Mr. Bingley finally decided to ask for her hand.

As for Mr. Darcy, his first meeting with Elizabeth Bennet have shown that he noticed her but acted atrociously about it. When he finally realized he really liked her, Elizabeth snubbed him off. He confidently proposed to her which has greatly surprised Elizabeth. Despite Elizabeth's upsetting family background, Mr. Darcy was so sure that she would accept his hand. However, Elizabeth slapped him down, feeling insulted. When they met again, Mr. Darcy started courting her in a proper manner. For the second time, he proposed to Elizabeth and she shyly reciprocated his feelings. A woman who has been confronted by a man with so much pride should remain to act modest and could only show her true feelings once she has brought him down to his knees.

Don't Make Snap Judgments

A man who did not make it on a woman's prospective-radar may be the right person for her. Women usually make up her own idea of a man they would like to date. At times, they miss out on the possibility of a good blossoming relationship. They turn down men who do not fit in their standards and only realize it later on that they made a mistake. Women are not only the victims in this case. Even a man who have never thought of dating a woman as his long-term prospect suddenly finds out that she is the one.

What men and women should do is be open-minded. Fifteen minutes would not hurt if this resulted to a conversation that is mutually enjoyed by two people. How would you know if the person is the one if you have not spent time getting to know the person?

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As a Christian, I do not have the habit of leading guys on. I do spend time to get to know the person, enjoy the moment, and be open and easygoing. But once I see some characteristics that could affect myself, my family and friends, and most of all, my faith, I know what to do. He's off my prospective-radar. You may tell me that it is too soon to take him off and I should hang on until I see sparks fly and hear birds chirping. However, I could feel something for someone based on our first few meetings. I believe we need to make it clear to ourselves, and not only to the person we like, our feelings. If we know that we like the person from the start, then everything else will easily follow.

One more thing, women have the choice to make up their ideal man and list down Godly standards of their man. Women know themselves well. God designed women for someone who can compliment them. If women do not make standards, how can they choose right? Will they just jump in to every relationship with every guy who courts them? Women should make up their ideal man, make their own standards, ask for God's standards, and bridge those standards. What my mother always tells me is that our standards cannot be met by a man all at once. That is why our standards should be aligned to God's standards for His standards are what your ideal man still needs to fulfill to be fit for you.

To women who are dating someone right now, I assure you that getting to know the person, enjoying the moment and being open and easygoing can help you decide if he is the right man. There are instances when we overdo the enjoyment, go overboard, and we forget to pause and consider our actions. Sometimes we need to trust our instincts once in awhile but we also need to trust our faith. We are still women who have to be respected and cared for.

A woman needs to guard her heart for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Don't ever forget that you are God's princess and you are meant to be sought after! Find a man who brings out the best in you just like what God does. When you found the man and you have God's assurance, then that is the time you can make your feelings clear to him.

Next: Jane Austen's Guide to Dating Chapter 2