Jane Austen's Guide to Dating: Chapter 3
Thursday, May 24, 2012There's nothing wrong with falling in love and showing your love to another person. But when this love turns into a game, then it has t...
Thursday, May 24, 2012
There's nothing wrong with falling in love and showing your love to another person. But when this love turns into a game, then it has to be brought into a full halt. Two people must not be in a silly game of love or else, both of them will definitely lose.
Chapter 3: Don't Play Games or Lead People On
What goes around comes around. This is better known as karma. We all know that whatever we do to another person, we always get it back. We may not realize it now but once we start treating other people badly, we acquire it as a habit. This can lead to serious relationship issues in the future which may be hard for us to control.
Women most often criticize men for doing the bad actions in relationships. However, they must also look at themselves and see if we are treating other people the way they want to be treated. It is impossible to form an open, loving and trusting relationship with another person if we play games, make them feel insecure, or be mean to them.
Lesson to be Learned: Leading People on Can Rebound on You
In Sense and Sensibility, Willoughby portrayed both a hero and a disagreeable man. He tried winning Marianne's affection and in the process, fell in love with her. Because Mariane comes from a poor family, he abandons her, sets off to the city, and marries a rich girl he doesn't love. Leading Marianne on, he breaks her heart. When he comes to his senses, he apologizes even though it was too late. While he traps himself in a horrible marriage, Marianne finds peace in a marriage with Colonel Brandon who truly loves her.
One thing I noticed is that most women, who are careful and afraid, tend to be the ones who play the game. They tend to go out with men, cancel at the last minute, flirt, and then throw them off guard. These women are insecure mostly because they are scared of betrayal or rejection. But little do these women know that this can only stop them from getting what they really want. And obviously, what these women want is "someone to want them back (Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill, 2004)."
What women need to do is to be genuine in order to have a serious and honest relationship with another person. Jane Austen pointed out that nothing is really wrong with flirting, attracting people, and having a good time. But if it becomes a dangerous habit which can be destructive to people involved, then it's time to pause and think. This technique of winning people over through manipulation and seduction will never work.
Lesson to be Learned: Don't Get Addicted to Flirting
One of the wonders of Jane Austen's novels is that it influences us to take a good look at ourselves. What are we doing wrong? Have I done something bad to another person? We are also human and we have the tendency to exhibit bad actions as long as we're here on earth. But that does not mean we can do nothing to stop it.
We need to take a good look on our own behaviors. Are we flirting or leading people on? If we are, then maybe we are insecure and we want assurance from people to tell us that we are attractive, interesting, and pleasing in their eyes. If we continue doing this, we may not get what we truly want. Flirting and mentally seducing people will not bring us to serious and honest relationships. It will just tag along our backs like casual hyenas looking for fun and nothing else. If we are truly being genuine and honest to ourselves, is this what we really want? Is being a Henry Crawford, a nasty game player of Mansfield Park who leads two beautiful and deserving women on for nothing, what we really want to be?
Lesson to be Learned: Don't be Flattered by Toxic Flirts
Women should hold on to their hearts. No matter how much affection and praise a woman receives, she still needs to protect herself. There are different kinds of men and it is a must for every woman to discern each man first before getting into a relationship or settling down with him. A man can be absolutely fond of a woman and her charm--smile with her, laugh at her jokes, compliments her, and pays full attention to her. But he cannot be so interested in her way beyond anything he actually know about her. Because he is busy thinking about how good and manly he looks with her and what other people are saying. He thinks about himself 101% of the time. And these are what we call toxic flirts, who cannot do any better than what they are capable of.
When a woman meets a toxic flirt, she can always test him. If she tells him to slow down, he will.. only IF he is not a Henry Crawford. If he happens to be one, then he will disappear like magic. As written in this book, "Don't be seduced by someone who's rushing you and over-powering you with his charm. It will always end in tears."
What a woman should do is to value her own feelings. Letting a Henry toy with her feelings and play with her will not do her any good unless she really wants a holiday romance or a fast fillip. A relationship with a Henry will just lead to a disastrous marriage. A Mrs. Crawford will only have a lifetime of chasing over a man who will be chasing after many other women. It will only lead to one game after another wherein all of them will just end up in misery. We all know misery is not the best company especially if we are looking for something else greater.
Yes, you got that right. Something else greater is always in ahead of us. We deserve it. The only reason why we have a hard time getting it is because we are blinded by this continuous and disastrous livelihood. We think that if we open our hearts and minds to somebody else in a translucent way, we can mess up our hearts. In fact, transparency is the only way we can find something else greater--whether it is a person we have been waiting for our whole lives, a feeling that has been absent for a long time, a relationship that is honest and just, or a love that can go on for eternity. We need to be genuine not only to others but to ourselves. What do we want?
If we all come to think of it, we all start from a messed up life of horrible relationships with people we care about but we end up trying to find our ways and groping for something greater.. not bad, but good. Something that can really affect our betterment and not mess us up or our relationships. We stop playing and we begin to value people and their feelings, and then we value ourselves and our feelings. Suddenly, relationships become serious and honest. Neither we become a toxic flirt nor let a toxic flirt bewitch us. We finally meet what we truly want.
Game over.
Sorry, I'm in a Lifehouse love mode already. ((:
Chapter 3: Don't Play Games or Lead People On
What goes around comes around. This is better known as karma. We all know that whatever we do to another person, we always get it back. We may not realize it now but once we start treating other people badly, we acquire it as a habit. This can lead to serious relationship issues in the future which may be hard for us to control.
Women most often criticize men for doing the bad actions in relationships. However, they must also look at themselves and see if we are treating other people the way they want to be treated. It is impossible to form an open, loving and trusting relationship with another person if we play games, make them feel insecure, or be mean to them.
Lesson to be Learned: Leading People on Can Rebound on You
In Sense and Sensibility, Willoughby portrayed both a hero and a disagreeable man. He tried winning Marianne's affection and in the process, fell in love with her. Because Mariane comes from a poor family, he abandons her, sets off to the city, and marries a rich girl he doesn't love. Leading Marianne on, he breaks her heart. When he comes to his senses, he apologizes even though it was too late. While he traps himself in a horrible marriage, Marianne finds peace in a marriage with Colonel Brandon who truly loves her.
One thing I noticed is that most women, who are careful and afraid, tend to be the ones who play the game. They tend to go out with men, cancel at the last minute, flirt, and then throw them off guard. These women are insecure mostly because they are scared of betrayal or rejection. But little do these women know that this can only stop them from getting what they really want. And obviously, what these women want is "someone to want them back (Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill, 2004)."
What women need to do is to be genuine in order to have a serious and honest relationship with another person. Jane Austen pointed out that nothing is really wrong with flirting, attracting people, and having a good time. But if it becomes a dangerous habit which can be destructive to people involved, then it's time to pause and think. This technique of winning people over through manipulation and seduction will never work.
Lesson to be Learned: Don't Get Addicted to Flirting
One of the wonders of Jane Austen's novels is that it influences us to take a good look at ourselves. What are we doing wrong? Have I done something bad to another person? We are also human and we have the tendency to exhibit bad actions as long as we're here on earth. But that does not mean we can do nothing to stop it.
We need to take a good look on our own behaviors. Are we flirting or leading people on? If we are, then maybe we are insecure and we want assurance from people to tell us that we are attractive, interesting, and pleasing in their eyes. If we continue doing this, we may not get what we truly want. Flirting and mentally seducing people will not bring us to serious and honest relationships. It will just tag along our backs like casual hyenas looking for fun and nothing else. If we are truly being genuine and honest to ourselves, is this what we really want? Is being a Henry Crawford, a nasty game player of Mansfield Park who leads two beautiful and deserving women on for nothing, what we really want to be?
Lesson to be Learned: Don't be Flattered by Toxic Flirts
Women should hold on to their hearts. No matter how much affection and praise a woman receives, she still needs to protect herself. There are different kinds of men and it is a must for every woman to discern each man first before getting into a relationship or settling down with him. A man can be absolutely fond of a woman and her charm--smile with her, laugh at her jokes, compliments her, and pays full attention to her. But he cannot be so interested in her way beyond anything he actually know about her. Because he is busy thinking about how good and manly he looks with her and what other people are saying. He thinks about himself 101% of the time. And these are what we call toxic flirts, who cannot do any better than what they are capable of.
When a woman meets a toxic flirt, she can always test him. If she tells him to slow down, he will.. only IF he is not a Henry Crawford. If he happens to be one, then he will disappear like magic. As written in this book, "Don't be seduced by someone who's rushing you and over-powering you with his charm. It will always end in tears."
What a woman should do is to value her own feelings. Letting a Henry toy with her feelings and play with her will not do her any good unless she really wants a holiday romance or a fast fillip. A relationship with a Henry will just lead to a disastrous marriage. A Mrs. Crawford will only have a lifetime of chasing over a man who will be chasing after many other women. It will only lead to one game after another wherein all of them will just end up in misery. We all know misery is not the best company especially if we are looking for something else greater.
Yes, you got that right. Something else greater is always in ahead of us. We deserve it. The only reason why we have a hard time getting it is because we are blinded by this continuous and disastrous livelihood. We think that if we open our hearts and minds to somebody else in a translucent way, we can mess up our hearts. In fact, transparency is the only way we can find something else greater--whether it is a person we have been waiting for our whole lives, a feeling that has been absent for a long time, a relationship that is honest and just, or a love that can go on for eternity. We need to be genuine not only to others but to ourselves. What do we want?
If we all come to think of it, we all start from a messed up life of horrible relationships with people we care about but we end up trying to find our ways and groping for something greater.. not bad, but good. Something that can really affect our betterment and not mess us up or our relationships. We stop playing and we begin to value people and their feelings, and then we value ourselves and our feelings. Suddenly, relationships become serious and honest. Neither we become a toxic flirt nor let a toxic flirt bewitch us. We finally meet what we truly want.
Game over.
 |
| The Bean, Chicago, Illinois 2011 |
Find someone who'll sing this to you:
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
Sorry, I'm in a Lifehouse love mode already. ((:
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