October 24-30, 2022

I'm enjoying this writing activity more than I expected. It doesn't give me the pressure to write something interesting for others. I just needed to write for myself and allow the words to come out. 

This week is another full workload. Whenever I arrive home, I have to cook dinner, do household chores, and have a little ME time. Then, I can eat, clean up, and relax with my husband, Kensho. The household chores are the same and I couldn't squeeze in some of the things that I want to do. But these five things give me joy and I am grateful.

1. Good people at work

I am really thankful that the people that I work with every day are very kind. Sometimes they leave food on my table or hand it out to me personally sometimes. They don't provide "emotional" support always but they don't discriminate either. They must be having their own idea of me when they watch me work. But I haven't heard any complaints from them. One of the Japanese Teachers of English that I work with also told me that she has not been told bad things about me either. So, I must be doing just fine. Yahoo!

2. New Home

For months after we got married in March, Kensho and I have looked for apartments and houses online, talked with agents, and visited some in person. But we couldn't find the right fit. Then one night when we were both on the brink and I was complaining to him about my frustration, he opened his phone right away and looked. A new advertisement for a pet-friendly 1LDK apartment appeared at once! What great timing! The next day, Kensho called them right away because there might be a lot of people looking for the apartment that we wanted. Our goal is to find a place close to the convenience store, supermarket, post office, etc., where we can keep a pet, and where I can commute by train to my schools. Ayabe station is just 7 minutes away. 

It's amazing when we've found the place where all of our top needs would be met, we could decide right away. We're so excited that we have been telling each other every day, "I want to move, I want to move." We've never felt this much desire to move to a new place. ((:

Last Saturday, we signed the contract and received all the papers. This is such a great blessing!

3. Leading People to Jesus

I started as a substitute leader for the International Girls Connect Group when my leader couldn't make it because she had to take care of her newborn last February to March this year. I have been joining the group since November 2019 when I first came to Lifehouse Kyoto Church and met a lot of great women of God. Since the pandemic started, the group has been meeting online. But a lot of girls have come and gone back home, moved to a different church or country, and became busy with their jobs and life in general. I couldn't blame them because a church evolves in various ways and nothing is permanent. 

I stepped up a lot this year. At first, I was so hesitant in taking the lead because I feel inadequate and far from the main church. I couldn't go to church every Sunday because Kyoto city is two hours away. The only thing I can do consistently is to be there online. So far, the groups are still meeting online and that's one thing that's never gonna disappear, I guess, due to the nature of people attending. 

I have been given this task as a way of serving God. I am excited about what He is doing and the greater things coming ahead!

4. Love

I'm really happy that I could speak to my loved ones in the Philippines, America, Hungary, Germany, and other parts of the world through social media anytime I want. I really miss my family and friends so much. There are days that I just cry and get emotional. It's tough being away from people that I've spent almost the past 35 years with. 

5. My Birthday

My husband and I woke up at midnight and noticed that there are only 7 minutes left before October 30th. We started to pray in bed and waited excitedly. Then when the clock struck 12, he said "Otanjoubi omedetou, chan-Kaye. Kansha shimasu." which means "Happy birthday, Kaye-chan. I am grateful." We finished our prayers and hugged each other. It didn't start quite well when we woke up in the morning. I was having a hormonal imbalance again. Huhu. But Kensho was so patient and kind. He tried to help me pick out something to wear even though it was really hard for me. He also listened and hugged me when I uttered my frustrations about myself. We were supposed to go to Lifehouse Kyoto church but since it was traffic, we couldn't make it and just went back in time to watch the online service. It was the right choice because we were able to listen to the preaching well and received God's Word clearly. Afterward, Kensho took a quick nap, and then we went shopping for wine, pasta sauce, and pickles at Yamasho, and went window shopping for appliances at AEON Mall. We were so amused by the different features of refrigerators and washing machines and shocked by the prices. Then, Kensho and I went to Kinugawa to buy a fruit cake. We went home, relaxed, and cooked dinner together. After taking a warm bath, I blew out my cake. Kensho even closed the lights to get a dim effect. It was very sweet! He said that he wasn't able to buy a present. But I told him that our new apartment is our gift to each other. It was a very simple but genuine celebration with no need for pretensions and fancy things. 

Last year, I also got engaged. I couldn't believe that it has only been that long. In a year, we were able to hold two weddings with our families and friends. 

God is so good! I should continue believing and being grateful for the smallest things.

Thank you so much, Lord.

I look forward to the joy that You bring to my life every day.

K

On my birthday last October 30th, I wrote a gratitude list. I do not usually write one but recalling everything God has done for me in the past years is a great way to jumpstart another year.

Our trip to Japan was a Faith Goal that I have been praying for years. I faithfully prayed for it this year and believed that God would make it happen. He did at the right time and season. We were able to find tickets last May to witness an early fall. The amazing thing was we got very cheap airline tickets! We just needed to a few hundred pesos for our luggages. We instantly knew that it was a gift from God to our family. A box was ticked off my bucket list. Moreover, I knew that it was an early birthday gift from God: A time for a new season and a new beginning.

Japan has been very close to my family's heart. We even called it home for a few years when we visited my Daddy twice in 1989 and 1990-1991. He was still studying in Tokyo University at that time.

Somewhere in time (1980s)

Aside from visiting my friends, we even met one of Dad's disciples, Tito Joel Cuellar, who became a missionary in Japan with his family.

At Shibuya (October, 2013)

Fortunately, Dad and I had another opportunity to return with Mommy, Paul, and Luke. Instead of three or four, there's five of us now. We even met the whole family of Tito Joel this time. We all clicked right away!

At Setagaya-ku (October 2015) From UL to R: Dad, Paul, Luke, Tim, Nathan, Tito Joel; From LL to R: Me, Tita Cynthia, Mom, & Johana

I sought God during our whole trip because I knew He would be revealing to us many things. Here are five Bible verses that made me fall deeper for God and for Japan during our 6 days and 5 nights stay in Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo. Though these are not exactly touristy, I want to share the Word of God that I received during our time in this country.

1) 2 Thessalonians 3


The message of the Lord will spread rapidly. It will not just spread. It is not slow but rapid, like a fire that consumes almost everything it passes. The line in the verse in which I felt God's protection over us is: "We are delivered from wicked and evil men for not everyone has faith." God was with us throughout the trip. Even though we already know that Japan is one of the safest countries in the world, we remained strong and protected throughout the trip and even on our way home. More importantly, God honed us a family and made us prepared for the struggles that we would face back home.


One thing also reminded me about our family. Despite our differences, our hearts will be directed into God's love and His perseverance. Therefore, we are able to love one another unconditionally because He has loved us. I also want to claim this verse as a promise of God in our family. May He continue to use us mightily to advance His Kingdom, to transform our hearts and minds, and to bring us out of our comfort zones in order to boldly share the Gospel.


2) Mark 5:34



A few months ago, I received this verse from God when I realized how grave my feelings for someone were. I immediately knew that I was losing focus on God and that I needed answers if I was investing the right feelings on the right person. It was a perfect time because the pain became bearable. But this time, reading about the story behind this verse made my understanding deeper. God healed my heart and restored my emotional state, like the Woman with an Issue of Blood, because I came at his feet, I trembled with fear, and I told Him the whole truth (Mark 5:21-34). Because of those, I received the power of God and I was freed from my suffering. It did not occur all at once but the process was easier.



However, I could not say that the process of letting go and letting God was not hard either. I was still crying my heart out at times. But I claimed God's healing and reminded myself about His greater plans for me. My family was a great blessing because I could replace the past with new and joyful memories. I am even excited for the future that will unfold before my eyes soon.



When I arrived in Manila, I felt that my heart was new and transformed like bread tossed in flames and came out baked. There was no other way to get healed. One can attain restoration and healing through God alone.
3) Exodus 34:6-7


I believe that His love for all of us fills His infinite being with limitless capacity for compassion. He is a compassionate God. His unfailing love for us, His agape love, is performed on behalf of us. We are the object of His love. In His eyes, true compassion is strength that is shared.


As a person who desperately needs compassion from God, I must also know that His compassion is greater than my vision for myself. Like me, most people insist on what they want from God. And at times, He will force His own vision in order to overrule the visions that we think we need. In other words, He can even give us more than what we need. He does not only give sympathy but He also shows His compassion for us by allowing certain hardships in order to give way to greater miracles in our lives. This is His great act of compassion.




4) John 11:33


During the plane ride to Manila, the story of Jesus weeping made me weep. Jesus is a man of sorrows. I found myself thinking why did the Bible use weep instead of cry? To weep is to shed tears with deeper and stronger emotions. He did not even cry. He wept. The reason why He wept was because He absolutely knew what the woman was going through. Actually, the Word says he was deeply moved. It is the same with you and me when we experience grief. He is moved by our weeping. He weeps for us because He knows our grief. He will turn our weeping into shouts (or songs and dances!) of joy. But why?? Actually, he does not need to weep for you or me but He weeps anyway because He loves us so much. Now, ask yourself "Are we worth weeping for?" To Jesus, yes! But everything makes much more sense when we have come to know that Jesus is worth weeping for.


5) Psalm 30:5


God turns my mourning into dancing. I can dance because of His presence. Joy can be found in Him alone. As a source of our joy, we are able to find pieces of Him everywhere. These pieces can bring us joy: Family, life partner, children, calling, passion, and the simple and mundane things around us. They are not the ultimate sources of joy but we can find joy in them because we are filled with His abundant joy first.


The five beautiful verses strengthened my bond with God. He dated us there as a family. He dated me during our solo moments together. As much as I want to share all of our travel stories in Japan here in this blog, I will allow the pictures posted here and in Facebook to do so. Because no picture can justify His goodness, I will just keep on praising Him for what He has done not only to me and my family and to our beloved friends in Japan but to the people of all nations living in it. I am also excited about what He is about to do in the near future. Change is happening. We are coming into a shift.

October is always a time for new beginnings. Our trip was already a pre-celebration of what is about to come. I can say that this was the best birthday yet because of the greater faith that He has planted within me. More than that, I am receiving a deeper revelation of who He really is. My year was not only filled with joy. It was also filled with pain and suffering. But I am experiencing everything with the Lord. The beauty of living in joy and sadness made this year even more beautiful. I needed the darkness in order to remain in the Light. This year, I welcome both. (:

God has promised. My mourning ends here. This is when dancing begins for greater things are coming.

In Him, I fall deeper with joy.

 

            Life has no ever-fixed mark. It is a pursuit to move forward, to add splendor, to meet a destination, and to keep moving forward again.

While taking a shower this morning (yes I think of peculiar things here), I randomly counted the number of flights I have taken since birth. If my counting and my memory were correct, I had 25. I just had to say "WOW" at that. Because at the age of 25, I have flown 25 flights. It was like I have flown each year. But hey, the truth has been sinking in.

I am a quarter of a century old.

For those who have reached this age, I am sure there was one moment that you thought of yourself--what you have achieved or what you would want to achieve. I feel like I have not achieved anything at all. But I do have a lot of things I would want to achieve. Is this how it feels like to be 25? Counting things and evaluating myself?

I talked to my friends who were experiencing the same thing. They told me they stopped aging when they reached a certain age. They felt like they were in college forever.

I am also in the same zone. I still feel young and vulnerable, like everything is marked with a question. I still don't know where I am going or what I must do. But I know I am rekindling old things and trying out new things. I am exploring. I feel like a wanderer most of the time.

But just like what J. R. Tolkien said, "Not all who wander are lost."


To be lost at 25 must be a catastrophe. I am not completely lost. I choose not to be for there are better places to be, better flights to take, and brighter things to see. I am a wanderer with a definite destination and purpose because of God. Through him, I still feel youth and vigor like a child. And conflict and mystery are still present from time to time.

I am a wanderer at 25. With complete faith, I think this is how it must be.

I don't have a birthmark. I only have a few moles and some scars which I can't consider as birthmarks either. There is really nothing in my body that makes me different from anybody else in the world.

Ever since I was born, I tend to look for things around me that can complete me or at least define who I am. I grew up ensuring my identity to these things. I dance. I sing. I act. I draw. I paint. I read. I play the piano. I learn drums. I write. I play sports. But there is always something missing within me when I do these. Something greater than these accomplishments or even the lack of it.

A little girl who did not really know who/what she wants to be

When I turned 18, I started to see myself in a different light. I began dreaming of things I have never dreamt before. I began believing that someday those dreams would happen and I would become the person I dream of. I was so sure of my identity back then. Never for one second did I think that I would be someone else. I knew what I want.

But as years passed, graduation kicked in and my first job offer was given, I could not feel any certainty in the decisions I made. Though I was working in a job that I am passionate about, I was asking myself a lot of questions. But giving up and stopping in the middle of it all did not become an option. I found peace and moved on, knowing that I am in a season of finding out who I am.

A few years went by and time progressed to this day, I am still doing the same things. There is always an enlightenment along the way but I still find myself lost, trapped, and unsure of where to go. Indeed, I feel blessed with people whom I can trust and who love me for who I am and not for what I do. Despite the uncertainties, there is a hope of a brighter future ahead.

That future involved certainty from a far greater entity than the ones on earth. Through the years, I found certainty in no one else. The fact that someone so great could love me so brings me to a level of humility and selflessness. The fact that I was born as His daughter and princess supplies the meaning and purpose of my existence.

I may not have a birthmark that can distinguish me from anybody else throughout my life. But in truth, there is no need for it when the purpose of my existence is to express my love for Him and aid other people in doing the same. There is no need to be more different from other people than what we already are. We all have one birthmark within ourselves.

When I reached this point in time, the message is just too simple. I am created out of His hands, in his own grand design, marked with faith. With this truth, I stopped trying to be different. I started focusing on a magnificent identity. To know Him is a far greater purpose than to know who I am. For He knows my identity, every little thing about me, I have no reason to falter and worry.

Faith, something that surely completes who I am and who I want to be, is my birthmark. And so is everybody else's.

Dear God,

The way to live is to die. The way up is down. The way to lead is to serve. 

You get everything when you give everything away. 

You take that small job and remain faithful to it, and you serve and serve, and give and give, you begin as a servant. Greatness begins with servitude.