Dating Tips
Jane Austen
Lauren Henderson
Love
Relationships
Romance
Jane Austen's Guide to Dating Chapter 2
7:23:00 PM
In my previous blog, I already mentioned when is the best time to show our feelings to another person. This next chapter specifically enumerated numerous advices about it. Though they may be somewhat different from a Christian point-of-view, I still believe these are the basic concepts that every woman should learn before they decided to lay their guard down.
Chapter 2: Don't Put Your Feelings on Public Display, Unless They're Fully Reciprocated
Lesson to be Learned: Mutuality
The first lesson that a woman should know is the importance of mutuality, which is defined by the Webster dictionary as the quality or state of being mutual or a sharing of the same sentiments. It is related to the term 'intimacy' which primarily holds a personal or private nature. The book's example illustrated the importance of mutuality both in Marianne's and Elinor's situation concerning the men they loved. Marianne, being showy and careless about her feelings to Willoughby, has won her man though she failed to keep him in the end. As for Elinor, being shy and reserved about her feelings to Edward Ferars, has saved herself from further disappointments and pain due to lack of mutual assurance from her man. Both women expressed their feelings but in different levels of openness. I am assuming that most girls would not want to be like Marianne. She would definitely learn a lot about discretion and self-control from her sister.
When dating a man, Jane Austen also raised up the significance of the evidences that he shows. Every woman should not ignore these evidences. Whether big or small, a woman must be keen to figure out if a man likes her or not. For example, a man who constantly breaks his promises to a woman and sends mixed signals instead of making it clear that he likes her will eventually lead to a chase in her part. It is understandable to chase him a few times out of curiosity. But if she noticed that he has moved on, then she had to let him go. Falling in love and finding the right man is indeed desirable for all women. The only reminder for us is to restrain ourselves from pressure due to a relationship that is not going anywhere in the first place. Jane Austen said this is simply commonsense.
What to do instead is to respect a man's signals. In first dates and meetings, a woman should not expect anything. If a man really likes a woman, he will eventually find a way to make the communication going. If the man does not make any stride, then it is time for a woman to move on and let go. There has to be a good and constant mutual give and take. Otherwise, the woman would not get what she is giving.
Lesson to be Learned: Don't Let a Man Play You Off Against Other Women
Do not throw yourself at a player is one of Jane Austen's commonsense advice in this book. The examples of Julia and Maria's situation illustrates how a fight over a player named Henry can lead to a huge disaster. Obviously, the man has not chosen among Julia and Maria because he likes both of them. He likes to date both of them. He loves both of them. This is ridiculous. Not being able to choose responsibly and make up his mind simply shows he is stupid. If a man really likes a woman, he will make his feelings clear to her.
Ladies, in order to save yourself from these kind of men, Jane Austen has advised that the best way is to protect your feelings. The "guard your heart" Christian point-of-view is related to this. Our heart is the "wellspring of life" and all our deepest emotions and feelings are better to be kept rather than spoilt. Do you know why they say that a woman's heart is like a deep ocean of secrets? Well, it is because a man may know everything about a woman once she opens her heart to him. That is why women should learn when to conceal and restrain themselves from men. Ladies, you would not want to end up like Kitty and Lydia of Pride and Prejudice!
Lesson to be Learned: Self-control
Every woman should learn how to control herself. A woman who keeps throwing herself at men is not looking for love but someone to fight over loneliness, addiction, or something else. A man will never fall in love with a woman who does not want him for himself. A woman should not be a desperate-seeming person or else she would just throw herself to the next eligible man she meets and would not even take the time to get to know him. This is not flattering to any man at all.
Like women, men also need to breathe. They need their space and a time to be alone every now and then. If a man does not ring a woman after a few dates, panicking and stressing over it would not help. Of course, there are a lot of reasons why he is not calling.
Ladies, this relationship is new to him too. Like us, men also have the right to contemplate about us. So all we need to do is wait for him. If we do the "moves," we may do something that could ruin everything. Similarly to what Amanda Peet said to Ashton Kutcher (A Lot Like Love), imagine a guy saying this line to you: "Don't ruin it."
My personal take in this chapter is this.. Women, respect yourselves above all men. This is like a first commandment between a relationship. A woman who does not respect herself or does not know her worth and value would not get what she deserves. Before she can love another person and show her love to another person, she must learn to love herself. Once she has loved herself above all men, she would learn the importance of a constant mutual give and take relationship, the value of guarding her heart, and the art of disciplining and controlling herself in the presence of men.
It is through this, and only through this that a woman can love another man (in this earth) apart from her own (apart from God).
1 comments
Nice post, Kaye! :D Sorry lame comment huhuhu. Pag-usapan na lang natin to when we have time. :D
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