March 25, 2025 "plum and cherry blossom season"

Once a baby becomes a toddler, the challenges that a mother faces are different. The baby who is crawling and holding on to something to stand is now walking on their own and running around. I was amazed by how my baby started walking before her first birthday and began exploring the world around her.

Even though I've had pamangkins (nieces and nephews) and played with my friends' children, I have never imagined what taking care of my own child would be like. I've heard many stories from people in person and online. Each child is different. Writing about my experiences could just be the total opposite of what other parents feel and experience.

Weaning Stage

I had planned to breastfeed my daughter until she turned two years old. But our circumstances changed, and it was shortened to one year, four months, and eight days when I suddenly found out that I was pregnant.

So, I consulted a midwife about my dilemma with breastfeeding because it had been sore and painful. Breastfeeding during pregnancy was not prohibited, but it had become uncomfortable because the nipples turned softer and more delicate than normal. I was advised to start weaning early. When my newborn arrives, the toddler has transitioned to formula milk or cow's milk. Most Japanese mothers have done the weaning stage after their babies turn one year old. 

The midwife recommended that I choose a day first and be decisive about it. No giving in to your baby's cries. I went home more confused than ever. I just told myself a rough date, "Around May 5th." If we failed on that day, we would just try again. Here are some things that helped me prepare for weaning: 

1. Decrease the number of feedings and duration.
2. Express the pain to my daughter when she feeds, but replace it with more emotional support (e.g., hugs, kisses, singing). 
3. Increase food portions and give cow's milk/formula milk before bedtime. 

On May 8th, she stopped breastfeeding. It was the day after Mother's Day, which sounded as if she had given it to me as a gift. Lol.

The bonding that we had during breastfeeding is priceless. My little one and I miss it every day. She would still cling to me like a koala in bed, touch my boobies, bite my shirt or sometimes skin (ouch, I know), and let go by turning to the other direction. She would hold on to me by wrapping her arm around mine. Sometimes she cries while doing all these because she has gotten used to breastfeeding to help her sleep. Recently, she sleeps with her head on my arm or chest and her hands wrapped around mine or on my belly (here she finds the most comfort).

One basic tip to help you and your weaning baby is to wear clothes that won’t expose your breasts. The least we can do is make our breasts less accessible for a feed. Out of sight, out of mind.

Entering Daycare

Our daughter entered Ichijuu hoikuen, or temporary daycare, on April 15th. Our purpose for enrolling her in daycare is to restore my "me time." My husband understands that I need a weekly breather. Another big advantage of hoikuen is socialization. Since I am not working yet, I can't enroll her more than three times a week, and paying the hourly rate is our only choice. It can also get expensive depending on our combined salary/income.

So, she goes there for only three hours in the morning. At first, she started with three times a week. Her schedule includes playtime activities, snack time, other school activities, and lunchtime. During the first week, she cried a lot when she saw me leaving. When I picked her up on the third day, she ran to me and hugged me. She did better the following week. She learned quickly that I was going to come back for her.

Her socialization skills improved, and she started talking and moving around more. She's excited every time it's daycare day. When I pick her up and talk to the teacher, she shows me around happily as if saying, "Mama, I'm enjoying myself here. I want you to see this~" 

Socialization skills at her age are not that important because she mostly engages in individual play. At home, she usually plays with my husband and me. When I'm watching her from afar, she plays by herself but looks at me from time to time, invites me to play, or shows me something she created. She has the opportunity to interact with other children at the indoor community playground and occasional play dates with mama friends and their kids. But she usually does parallel play or play alongside others without direct interaction. There are times when she does associative play too. She shares a toy with another child, but she doesn't have a shared goal or structured play with him/her yet. Her stage of social development will eventually increase at age three, so I want her to enjoy playing independently or just with us for now. 

In Sickness and In Health

The most difficult time for a mother and baby is when they are both sick. I felt helpless and sorry for us when this happened from May to June. Our whole household, including my parents, who stayed with us for two weeks, suffered from fever, colds, runny noses, asthma, and shingles. It wasn't an easy time at all. 

The disadvantage of bringing my daughter to daycare is her exposure to different people carrying different illnesses. My husband and I had a huge debate about whether or not we would still allow our daughter to attend daycare. We have decided that once a week, for three hours in the morning, is the best. As a result, we have experienced fewer chances of getting sick. 

However, recently, my daughter suffered from the worst hospitalization yet. Seeing her in IV fluids broke my heart. I thought we were just going to be given the usual medicines for a cold and fever. But she was required to be hospitalized for two hours due to her high WBC and CRP. The doctor also found out that there were cloudy areas in her lungs that could lead to pneumonia if not treated. Therefore, the dextrose was necessary to administer the proper medicine. It was tough for me to carry her in an uncomfortable position in the hospital chair and bed. To calm us down, I kept singing “With Christ in my vessel, I can smile at the storm until he guides me home…sailing, sailing home, sailing, I’m sailing home.” Praise God that her condition improved after a couple of days.

Mama Rage

I've witnessed many women get angry, but to experience "Mama Rage" myself is such a shock to me. I've never been frustrated or upset in my whole life. These episodes actually started during pregnancy and then escalated in certain situations. It felt so scary. Every time I experience it, I feel guilty after and ask for help from God. We really couldn't control it alone.

Different anger management techniques could help, such as deep breathing, taking a time-out, and singing instead of yelling (one tip I acquired from my sister-in-law). 

Tantrums and "No"s

My daughter is now very active and curious. She couldn't help but explore many things that are prohibited. Telling her to stop becomes very challenging because she insists on what she wants now and starts responding to us with "No." She cries when she doesn't get what she wants. Tantrums are stressful, especially when we are outside and people are watching. She usually flops herself down on the floor and moves her back upward like a fish out of water. I've been told by an Australian grandpa at the airport that this lasts until she's four. LOL NO. 

But I can actually manage tantrums more outside. One day in July, after her vaccination at the pediatrician's office, she wanted to continue reading books and take one book home. Though she returned the book as I had instructed, she got upset and cried on the floor. I kept my cool. I continued talking to her calmly, telling her that we needed to go home and that she could read her books. Surprisingly, she stopped and allowed me to carry her out of the room. I'm not always calm like this, so I really need to practice more. 

My daughter is now experiencing different emotions that she can't regulate yet. As a mother, my role is to support her in naming and managing them instead of adding to their already negative feelings. 

Sleeping Problems

My daughter cannot really fall asleep at night without me by her side. This is going to be tough when a new baby comes. Due to various reasons such as teething, separation anxiety, nightmares, or sickness, she wakes up in the middle of the night and looks for me. She then falls asleep, usually right away, but sometimes it takes an hour or so. When she cannot fall asleep, I get anxious too. So I tend to stand up and go to the toilet or kitchen while she cries because she wants my company in bed. She also gets out of bed and runs to where I am. 

I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. I used to sleep in the wee hours of the night back in college. When I was pregnant with Kanade, it happened several times, too. Now that I am pregnant again, I have experienced bad nights during the second trimester and am now experiencing them again in the third trimester. I've tried dozens of ways to fight it. I limited screen time before bedtime, prepared the room an hour before, turning the lights off, cooling down the temperature, turning on the air purifier, listening to white noise and worship music, drinking hot milk, not consuming liquids an hour before, reading books, doing yoga and exercises, and writing, etc. All of these helped me one way or another, but they do not work all the time.

One thing that I have found to be very effective is to get tired. It's easy to fall asleep when I'm super tired. Because my belly is getting bigger now, my legs feel sore more often, and I experience pain in the pelvic muscles. When we were in Australia, I had no trouble sleeping because I walked a lot. The condition of my body made me more drowsy, and I could just snooze right away when I'm putting my toddler to bed. I want that again. So, we really have to get out and move more.

The Learnings

The purpose of writing all these down was not to complain about all the challenges I faced as a new mother to a toddler and a baby about to come out. I want to send the message that, despite the cloudy and stormy days, there are sunny ones that can erase all anxieties, tears, and body pains away. And the one who creates and provides all these is Jesus. By His grace, it is impossible to accomplish any motherhood duty alone. 

God holds time, and He allows everything in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Whether He has given us a child or we are still waiting to conceive, we can be assured that He fulfills our desires at the right time always. Even weaning our toddler happens at His best time because He has plans for us and our children. Things may not go the way we expect, but He has a reason for every detail.

Protecting our child from danger or sickness is natural for any parent. To us, daycare has its pros and cons. But trusting God that He can keep our children safe while they explore the world is a good exercise of faith (Proverbs 3:5-6). If we continue to lean on to our own understanding, we could miss out on the plans of God. 

Getting angry is normal, but staying angry for long periods is not healthy for us and our children (Ephesians 6:4). God wants us to discipline with love. 

The same goes for dealing with misbehavior. I also need to be quick to understand and not get angry when she does not act appropriately (James 1:19-20). My job is to be her guide and support so she will grow up in the way she should go and have an intimate relationship with Jesus as well (Proverbs 22:6).

When sleep is being stolen from us, ask God for peace and He will make us dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8).  I always think about this verse whenever I feel the anxiety creeping in...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

To all mothers, or even fathers, who are reading this, I hope that whatever challenge you face, you will overcome it with God's love and grace. He won't give us this parenting role for no reason. This role is truly meant for us to fulfill to witness more of His faithfulness in our lives. 

I sincerely pray that God will continue to equip us as we traverse this journey. 

Attraversiamo. 

February 22, 2025 "dolls festival"