My darkest battles in life are rooted in fear. I feared that time is too short. I feared that I would not be good enough. I feared that I would lose a friend. I feared that I would not be able to get through without a job. I feared to live alone. And the list goes on.

Two years have already passed since I started studying about my thesis topic for my Master's (MA). I changed my mind a hundred times. But I ended up making a 180 degree turn, scrapping everything off and starting again.

Studying while working was so difficult. I felt like I am going crazy when I still had to attend to my life after work. I had to go to night time classes and go home late. I also had to write my papers and reports and study for exams in the wee hours of the night in order to get by. Even though my mind was swirling in different places, I had to present in front of my teachers and classmates. I tried my best to keep my mind sane. I could not give up work because I needed to pay my own tuition fees. I also invested on two virus-free laptops in which one already broke down. I knew that it would help me write my thesis despite my salary being cut down in half every month for an entire year.

I questioned myself several times about whether I should teach or study in order to concentrate on one. Come the time last month when I finally decided to let go of work for a few months. Now, I am broke. I stay home most of the time. Taking hold of my time is a dream. But it is also a nightmare in some days. Because I still live with my parents and siblings, I am entitled to help out in the household chores. There are a lot of times when I have to do chores instead of work on my thesis. Several times a day, I wish to be casted away in a quiet and lonesome place whenever I want to concentrate on my writing. Most of the time, I had my freedom to write in my favorite college libraries. Not that I don't want to help (one of my top love languages is service), I just feel like I really need to finish now so I won't have to prolong it. My parents keep asking me why it is taking so long. Well, this is why it is. I am preoccupied and distracted with so many things.

But I know that life beyond what I am currently doing is harder. Because of God's grace alone, I am able to stay alive. Instead of merely complaining, I begin to be thankful for how steadfast and faithful God's love is for me. Who would have the opportunity to travel cities, states, and countries, and continents while finishing MA with most expenses paid? Who would have the luxury to stay in my parents' house at this age and add the fact that they already sent me to school for 15 years? Who would have faithful and supportive family and friends who always give words of wisdom and help me in making difficult life decisions? Whenever I feel like complaining, I remember God's Word.

 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13, ESV

God is testing me every time He sends responsibilities such as work and chores. He is moulding my character for bigger and greater responsibilities in the future wherein I have to multi-task. I have to know how to keep my cool and deliver well despite the anxiety and stress. In spite of my weaknesses and other people's weaknesses, I am able to do above and beyond what anyone could ever imagine.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

So how am I going to attain success in this journey? Through God's strength, I draw strength from. Through God's grace, I am able to forgive others and even myself for my shortcomings and failures. Through God's reprimands, I correct my actions. Through God's power, I welcome and withstand the difficulties that my life brings. Through God's faithfulness, I believe. A successful journey can only be attained through God. He is the same before, now, and forever. His promise is being fulfilled.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." Exodus 14:14

I ask, believe, and not doubt God (James 1:5-6) to continue to go before me. I will choose to follow His timeline more than my own or others'. The journey will not take too long or too short but just right. And whatever comes, I believe that He will uplift and provide me with peace and rest.

The most important thing is that I feel Him within me and I could see Him glorified in my life when this research journey has come to an end.

That is enough to know and receive.