I AM A-O-KAYE

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Happy 15 years, Hero!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Jane Austen's Guide to Dating: Chapter 3

Thursday, May 24, 2012

There's nothing wrong with falling in love and showing your love to another person. But when this love turns into a game, then it has to be brought into a full halt. Two people must not be in a silly game of love or else, both of them will definitely lose.

Chapter 3: Don't Play Games or Lead People On

What goes around comes around. This is better known as karma. We all know that whatever we do to another person, we always get it back. We may not realize it now but once we start treating other people badly, we acquire it as a habit. This can lead to serious relationship issues in the future which may be hard for us to control.

Women most often criticize men for doing the bad actions in relationships. However, they must also look at themselves and see if we are treating other people the way they want to be treated. It is impossible to form an open, loving and trusting relationship with another person if we play games, make them feel insecure, or be mean to them.

Lesson to be Learned: Leading People on Can Rebound on You

In Sense and Sensibility, Willoughby portrayed both a hero and a disagreeable man. He tried winning Marianne's affection and in the process, fell in love with her. Because Mariane comes from a poor family, he abandons her, sets off to the city, and marries a rich girl he doesn't love. Leading Marianne on, he breaks her heart. When he comes to his senses, he apologizes even though it was too late. While he traps himself in a horrible marriage, Marianne finds peace in a marriage with Colonel Brandon who truly loves her.

One thing I noticed is that most women, who are careful and afraid, tend to be the ones who play the game. They tend to go out with men, cancel at the last minute, flirt, and then throw them off guard. These women are insecure mostly because they are scared of betrayal or rejection. But little do these women know that this can only stop them from getting what they really want. And obviously, what these women want is "someone to want them back (Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill, 2004)."

What women need to do is to be genuine in order to have a serious and honest relationship with another person. Jane Austen pointed out that nothing is really wrong with flirting, attracting people, and having a good time. But if it becomes a dangerous habit which can be destructive to people involved, then it's time to pause and think. This technique of winning people over through manipulation and seduction will never work.

Lesson to be Learned: Don't Get Addicted to Flirting

One of the wonders of Jane Austen's novels is that it influences us to take a good look at ourselves. What are we doing wrong? Have I done something bad to another person? We are also human and we have the tendency to exhibit bad actions as long as we're here on earth. But that does not mean we can do nothing to stop it.

We need to take a good look on our own behaviors. Are we flirting or leading people on? If we are, then maybe we are insecure and we want assurance from people to tell us that we are attractive, interesting, and pleasing in their eyes. If we continue doing this, we may not get what we truly want. Flirting and mentally seducing people will not bring us to serious and honest relationships. It will just tag along our backs like casual hyenas looking for fun and nothing else. If we are truly being genuine and honest to ourselves, is this what we really want? Is being a Henry Crawford, a nasty game player of Mansfield Park who leads two beautiful and deserving women on for nothing, what we really want to be?

Lesson to be Learned: Don't be Flattered by Toxic Flirts

Women should hold on to their hearts. No matter how much affection and praise a woman receives, she still needs to protect herself. There are different kinds of men and it is a must for every woman to discern each man first before getting into a relationship or settling down with him. A man can be absolutely fond of a woman and her charm--smile with her, laugh at her jokes, compliments her, and pays full attention to her. But he cannot be so interested in her way beyond anything he actually know about her. Because he is busy thinking about how good and manly he looks with her and what other people are saying. He thinks about himself 101% of the time. And these are what we call toxic flirts, who cannot do any better than what they are capable of.

When a woman meets a toxic flirt, she can always test him. If she tells him to slow down, he will.. only IF he is not a Henry Crawford. If he happens to be one, then he will disappear like magic. As written in this book, "Don't be seduced by someone who's rushing you and over-powering you with his charm. It will always end in tears."

What a woman should do is to value her own feelings. Letting a Henry toy with her feelings and play with her will not do her any good unless she really wants a holiday romance or a fast fillip. A relationship with a Henry will just lead to a disastrous marriage. A Mrs. Crawford will only have a lifetime of chasing over a man who will be chasing after many other women. It will only lead to one game after another wherein all of them will just end up in misery. We all know misery is not the best company especially if we are looking for something else greater.

Yes, you got that right. Something else greater is always in ahead of us. We deserve it. The only reason why we have a hard time getting it is because we are blinded by this continuous and disastrous livelihood. We think that if we open our hearts and minds to somebody else in a translucent way, we can mess up our hearts. In fact, transparency is the only way we can find something else greater--whether it is a person we have been waiting for our whole lives, a feeling that has been absent for a long time, a relationship that is honest and just, or a love that can go on for eternity. We need to be genuine not only to others but to ourselves. What do we want?

If we all come to think of it, we all start from a messed up life of horrible relationships with people we care about but we end up trying to find our ways and groping for something greater.. not bad, but good. Something that can really affect our betterment and not mess us up or our relationships. We stop playing and we begin to value people and their feelings, and then we value ourselves and our feelings. Suddenly, relationships become serious and honest. Neither we become a toxic flirt nor let a toxic flirt bewitch us. We finally meet what we truly want.

Game over.

The Bean, Chicago, Illinois 2011

Find someone who'll sing this to you:

I would never do you wrong

Or let you down or lead you on

Don't be scared, it's only love

That we're falling in

Sorry, I'm in a Lifehouse love mode already. ((:

On American Idol and All That Drama

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

o·rig·i·nal

adj.

1. Preceding all others in time; first.

Take note of that definition.

What's in all these comparisons between the song originals and their versions? Why do we make a fuss about whether or not a particular artist has lived up to or exceeded a song's original artist? Isn't creativity and originality the true essence of being a musician?

While watching American Idol Season 11, I have came to a reflection about different artists and musicians. Each artist is different in his or her own way. That is why he or she is called an artist. If we continue comparing each artist to another like asking "Who sing it better or whose version is best?," then we are like telling these artists to sound alike, play alike, and make music alike when in the first place they are meant to be different. It's not really about who sang it first or who sang it better. I believe being a musician is farther than that.

o·rig·i·nal

3. Productive of new things or new ideas; inventive: an original mind.

Now, take a look at another definition above. Aren't some contestants like Colton Dixon inventive and original as well when he sang "Everything"? Or could Phillip Phillips owned version of "Beggin'" pass as "original" like Mad Con's? Though Dixon and Phillips were not the songs' original artists, by that second definition above their renditions could be called original because they were inventive enough to put some of their flavor into the song. And that's what artists should be, right?

Moreover, there were some episodes in the show when the judges compared the contestants to big artists. This had me thinking, "Wait a minute, aren't they supposed to sound different?" When Randy Jackson compared Jessica Sanchez to the rock icon Queen, I thought that even though she did not own the song 100% she still had herself going on there. She got the passion to own the song in her own way. Isn't that what artists should do?

Let me show another example. When Jessica Sanchez sang a Mariah Carrey song, she almost had the right vocals but she sounded more like Mariah than a "Jessica." She only failed when she did not arrange it in a way that would sound like her.

What I'm trying to say is let's stop comparing and let the artists do their thing. If we are going to evaluate them based on their mimicry and resemblance to the original songs and artists, then we might as well have a reality show where all artists write, arrange, and sing their own songs. The truth is we cannot really push them to sound like somebody they're not.

Similarly to what Jessica said in her last song, we should "Change nothing" about them and let them own the songs they sing. That is the only way they can be called original.